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Anorak | Joe McElderry Attacks Rage Against The Machine, Literally

Joe McElderry Attacks Rage Against The Machine, Literally

by | 19th, December 2009

rage-against-the-machine2JOE McElderry of Simon Cowell’s X Factory Pop Machine takes on Rage Against The Machine for the fight to be this year’s novelty Christmas No.1. And the Sun leads with:

“JOE RAGE”

It’s always the Rage. Cheryl has had the RAGE. Simon Cowell has had the RAGE. And now Little Joe Joenas gets the RAGE.

We see Joe ‘Joenas’ McElderry firing darts into a picture of Rage Against the Machine’s front man Zack de la Rocha. Says the Sun:

X Factor star blasts rival Rage’s riffage

Joe heard RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE track Killing In The Name – currently beating his song The Climb in the race for Christmas No1 – …Geordie lad Joe was sickened by the heavy rock tune which is littered with f-words.

Factory. Fad. Falsetto. Fraud. Facebook. Farce. Fix. Or some other F word?

He said: “They can’t be serious! I had no idea what it sounded like. It’s dreadful and I hate it. How could anyone enjoy this? Can you imagine the grandmas hearing this over Christmas lunch?”

Depends whose grandma? This grandma might love it. Those grandmas might mistake Joe for a choirboy and smother him with wet tissues and biscuits.

“I wouldn’t buy it. It’s a nought out of ten from me. Simon Cowell wouldn’t like it. They wouldn’t get through to boot camp on The X Factor – they’re just shouting.”

One word Joe: Jedward. As we say,  Zack de la Rocha would have won the X Factor having been championed by bobble-headed, try-hard Louis Walsh as a breath of fresh air and really entertaining.

It turns out Joe is a sensitive lad and is really upset by the Facebook campaign urging people to download RATM’s track to stop him getting to No1. He took his frustrations out by slinging darts at a picture of Rage frontman ZACK DE LA ROCHA.

So sensitive is Joe that he fires darts into Zack de la Rocha’s face. Aw. Sweeeeeet.

“I think people are jumping on this to have a go at Simon and The X Factor rather than me. But Simon gives people a shot.”

Take aim. Fire!

I will be really disappointed if it doesn’t go to No1 after all the effort I’ve put in to this and winning the show.”

Joe’s put in a couple of months tough graft to be a star. He’s done the hard yards warming up the stage for Jedward and talking about his dream. So whose record will you buy? Will you do as the X Factory dictates and buy Joe’s dirge, or will you do as the Facebook Factory dictates and buy Rage’s rant? Why not vote?

Says RATM’S Tom Morello:

“If this American group is No1 on the charts, it’s because the people of the UK decided that they have had enough of what’s been force fed to them by the X Factor.”

If the X Factor song is No.1 it’s because the people of the UK bought it and wanted it to be No. 1. D’yer see the difference?

Or will you celebrate Christmas in the usual manner by searching for nostalgia?

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Posted: 19th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (10) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink