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Anorak | Dragons’ Den’s James Caan Will Buy Your Baby (Dr Barnardo, Mr Pied Piper And Lindy Chamberlain’s Dingo Are Out)

Dragons’ Den’s James Caan Will Buy Your Baby (Dr Barnardo, Mr Pied Piper And Lindy Chamberlain’s Dingo Are Out)

by | 24th, October 2010

JAMES Caan will buy your baby. For ca$$$$H. Caan is one fire-breathing reptile on TV’s Dragons’ Dean, that merciless show in which people climb a steep staircase to be confronted with a bench of five vain, smirking, sardonic celebrity moneymen who will take your imagination and ingenuity and mock you for a big slice of the pie.

Caan the one who wants to be liked, the earnest smoothy who will place his heart-worn-arm about your shoulder and tell you that your idea cannot be efficiently exploited to make him richer.

He will buy your baby! He will also buy their image rights. Caan’s first nest egg is a baby he’s met in Pakistan. He’s on the telly looking at the effects of the recent flood. Because what Pakistan needs is a celebrity element to help it get noticed on the news. Caan is with a film crew. He’s in a village offering the parents 100,000 rupees (£725) for their baby. He wants 100% of their produce.

Caan says his brother has need of a baby. So. The money’s there. Take it or leave it. But best hurry. There are no other offers on the table. Dr Barnardo, Mr Pied Piper and that dingo are all out.

Says Caan:

“I’m being 100% serious. My brother lives here and he desperately wants to have a baby. We could give this little baby the best life she could ever have.”

Better. Than. You. Two. Caan’s brother is the dream ticket. And think of what dreams you can fulfil with more than SEVEN HUNDRED POUNDS – BRITISH!

Dad can build that prototype of the Philosopher’s Stone he’s been seeking seed investment for; mum can create working model of her car that runs on hair. Caan will make this possible.

But after the offer aired on the ITV news, Caan had a rethink:

“In that moment of emotion, you immediately feel there’s something you could do. What can you do to increase that child’s survival? So I offered to help the family by offering to adopt the baby and then on reflection realised that the baby belongs to the family and the village and I’m really here to adopt a village, not a baby.”

Think big. Why have one baby when you own the village of them?

But mum and dad are with their own child. Caan’s brother is still searching. And the baby’s uncle will have he to wait for that flux capacitor he so badly needs for his time machine.

God business can be tough.



Posted: 24th, October 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink