Does Jeremy Clarkson Have Only Half A Scrotum?
JEREMY Clarkson the likeable gang leader of TV’s Top Gear, has written of his apparent dislike of philanderers. Only, the Mirror says he might well be one. It introduces us to his alleged mistress Phillipa Sage:
TOP Gear star Jeremy Clarkson has been cheating on his wife with a pretty blonde during an international tour with the show.
Father-of-three Clarkson, 50, has been betraying his loyal wife of 18 years Frances in a brazen, ongoing affair with a work colleague.
We learn that the other woman is 42 and “tanned“. It was Clarkson who opined:
“It is also important we know that David Mellor was dressing up in a Chelsea kit while s****ing some floozy and John Major was bathing with Edwina Currie.
“If a prime minister can’t keep his pecker in his trousers, then how do we know he can’t keep his fingers off the button that fires the Tridents?”
In reaction to the Mirror’s claims of his infidelity, Clarkson says:
“I’m surprised to find that I’m the new Tiger Woods.”
The story seems lacking in both steam and steaminess. Although this does not stop the Daily Star giving its readers:
“JEREMY CLARKSON BACK WITH WIFE”
Did he ever leave her to go back? Well, no.
The Express delivers:
It has been claimed that during a tour trip to South Africa last month Clarkson was seen feeding his “lover” salad by the pool.
There are few less sensual images than Clarkson in his budgie smuggler’s finger feeding coleslaw to a woman.
Jeremy Clarkson and wife Frances have put on a brave face, stepping out in Barbados on Monday looking happy and carefree.
In any case, though he has upbraided the famous for cheating, Clarkson – who is only an alleged cheat – has said other things to suggest that if he is cheating he is no hypocrite:
I’m sorry, but being given the chance to have an extramarital affair and not taking it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.
This might be the least interesting celebrity shagger story ever…
Image – Sunday Times Clarkson column: “In the Maserati there was space behind Nigel for our green-room director Philippa, who’s so tall she’s actually measured in hands.”