Charlie Sheen Wants Mila Kunis Whether She Likes It Or Not (Photos)
CHARLIE Sheen, the stumbling, mumbling meme, should enjoy his brief renewal of fame – mainly because it is clearly going to end quickly and painfully. When he was on drugs, he was great fun. Like children round a dead dog, we thrilled as we poked him with a stick, dry-heaving at each deathly breath that came our way.
Then he went and spoiled it all by becoming self-aware. Tiger blood, it would seem, can convince a man that he’s actually of some importance to the world, when really, all we wanted was a tragic clown.
And of course, Sheen is opening and closing his mouth again and we’re all leaning in just in case he’s rediscovered his ability to be funny or, indeed, smash a chandelier up while a woman cries herself stiff while locked in a cupboard.
It just happens that women are on Sheen’s mind. Again.
Casting is hallow glare out on the world, he’s decided that Black Swan’s Mila Kunis should be one of his ‘goddesses’, despite the fact she’s currently being courted by the still handsome, still talented, still A-list Justin Timberlake.
“Here’s the good news – my goddesses have already fuckin’ approved her! She’s pre-approved!”
“I would have great tolerance for many missing items provided it involves Mila fucking Kunis: If Mila Kunis is stealing your shit , trust me, you’re still fuckin’ winning, you’re still winning at that moment.”
“I’m going to go on her Facebook page and discover her likes… I’m going to buy them all and then she can come steal them. A super fuckin’ hot thief named Mila Kunis. Mila, please, we have a warehouse full of your favourite shit to steal.”
Of course, Kunis has very little say in this matter. Whether she likes it or not, Sheen is running around with an angry looking boner and a thick froth around his mouth.
Mila is advised to lock herself in a cupboard and hope that Charlie’s heart medicine quietly fails him in his sleep.