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Princess Productions Fly Soldiers’ Wives And Children To Afghanistan War For Flashmob TV Show: You’ll Die Laughing

by | 25th, October 2011

PRINCESS Productions wants to fly the wives and children of soldiers serving in Afghanistan to dad’s place of work. It’ll be great. Lucy Weston posted a call to telly stars on ARRSE – the British Army Rumour Service (ARRSE). The lads consider the offer and how stupid, shaggable, patronising and self-serving Lucy and her colleagues are.

Hi there!

I hope you don’t mind me contacting you. I am a television researcher for a TV production company called Princess Productions. I was wondering if anyone might be able to help with a pilot TV show I am currently working on.

The show is going to be a combination of Surprise Suprise and Flashmob (the current phenomenon made famous by the T-Mobile advert). So we are currently looking for incredible people who could be the recipients of the surprise of their lives, a massive super-sized celebration to say thank you, give someone a huge send off, ask somebody to marry them or reveal some exciting news.

We thought it would be a lovely idea to surprise soldiers currently serving in Afghanistan. Maybe they are yet to meet their newborn babies. We would like to give them a huge surprise by flying the baby and all the family over for a massive moral boosting exercise and chance for him to cradle the son or daughter he has never met. We also want to treat the soldiers to a huge flashmob style thank-you from all the British public for the on-going work they are doing.

We obviously understand the logistics involved in this might be complicated. At this stage I was just wondering if you might know of anyone who this might be applicable to, if you could help to spread the word to fellow supporters and family members or if you could kindly put me in touch with anyone who might be able to help further with my enquiries?

I would really appreciate anything anyone could do to help. I was just wondering if you might know of anyone who this might be applicable to, if you could help to spread the word to fellow supporters and family members or if you yourself have a special someone you would like to give the surprise of their lives. Anyone interested can email me on *************.

I hope to hear from you soon!

Replies are forthcoming:

It’s difficult to suppress the rage, but wiping the froth from my mouth, I have a mucker who’s currently serving. Perhaps you could throw his newborn out of the back of a plane over his CP? I bet he would be really surprised.- Senior Soldier

I am not sure that you have thought this through………. Soldier A, sitting in FOB, minding own business and keeping his head down. Wocca,Wocca,Wocca (airborne taxi noises for the uninitiated) Out pops his missus and his newborn sprog, just as the FOB starts taking incoming……………. Just a scenario like – Desperate Dan

Firstly, not a good idea to “suprise” a soldier on tour. Secondly, if I was on tour and you flew my wife/GF with newborn in to an operational theatre of conflict, I would punch you fcuking lights out – Wellyhead

It could be awkward if you were up to the nuts in the guts of the pretty little medic/clerk/dog handler etc at the time… Captain Plume

JHC this has got to be one of the worlds most f@cking stupid ideas . please tell me it’s a Wah – Jim 24

Wow, crass, insensitive, not thought through etc etc….I bet you really thought this idea was a goer when you dreamed it up between lines fo chang? – llech

What a bunch of c**ts! – Miner

You will find that serving soldiers do not take kindly to surprises (unless it’s sexual,monetary or edible surprises),so I wouldn’t expect the sort of response you desire,I suggest you try the MOD,I am sure some serving office type will be glad to help you  Tuffy52

I would’ve loved to be a fly on the wall when they brainstormed this one: “we need a new show, one with lot’s of emotion.” “flash mobs are quite trendy at the moment, something with flashmobs maybe!” “great idea… what else is trendy… hmmm”

“SOLDIERS!

“good call! get some heroism in there… you know the big to sellers apart from soldiers… babies and animals. we can combine this somehow… I know, some soldiers children are born while they’re on tour, what we could do is fly their newborn baby to their father, who’s in a warzone-”

the question is why the f*ck did it not end there? – Proper Gander

I think your idea is brilliant, I’d just like to change a couple of things if I may? Instead of flying a lad’s missus and sprog to the ‘ghan’, you should fly out a Chinook load of Eastern European hookers and a few kilos of chang, then film the ensuing partay in the FOB. I’m pretty sure Prince Harry would be behind this idea. He’d definitely add a bit of glamour to the proceedings. – Ravers

The Emperor Mong has been hard at work at Princess Productions. Even now I can just imagine the look of surprise on some squaddies face when the gudily pink coloured Princes Productions helicopter got blown out of the sky by a Taliban RPG with wife/gf and baby on board. If it were me I would denomstrate my ‘surprise’ by making ready and switching the change lever on my A2 to automatic and wasting the TV crew and presenter while shouting ‘surprise surprise c*nts!’. However, on a happier note I too would like to see if their managing director would get it but their gash website keeps freezing my PC! – Shaolin Punk

Sorry but having just reads the thread. Which one of you lot will be the reality star for Pick TV or what ever channel they may sell this too. One of the most entertaining threads yet. 1 post and a classic is born.- ark angel

Look, this young innocent lady went out of her way to google British Army, to find the epicentre of all military and human knowledge available on this planet, to research a watery-eyed corporate money-maker off of our and our relatives backs, and to get up in the rankings of one of the ugliest companys known within the shores of Great Britain. –  Aleegee 1698

I think it’s a fucking brilliant idea. Watch a coked up tv crew get pissed around from pillar to post by RAF movers. After three days of sleeping on plastic chairs and eating horror bag meals, the presenter then has the shit kicked out of them – on camera – for having the worst possible idea of bringing family members into an operational theatre.

You could call it “Surprised? I’ll give you suprised, you retarded fucking mouth-breathing civvy-media c**t”. –

Sure fire hit. Oh, and could Piers Morgan present? – dropshortjock

Lucy my sweet. It is now two and a half hours since you ‘pitched’ your concept and I imagine you are now being hugged by the luvvies at Princess TV. I do hope that when you puked up into your lap you were not wearing your bestest threads? When entering a stress situation I find it best to wear a boiler suit.

At this point you maybe imagine it cannot get any worse. As a trainee MI5 Operative you will know that desk research is the key to a result. So, you will have checked the Alexa rating for the ARRSE and be aware of the multi-layered backlinks, the Panda-Farmer compliance and the fact that the ARRSE blips most spiders out there. So you will be aware that your posting Princess TV, and its repeats with back links will cause your employer to blip the radar of search engines, yes?

Good. Let us hope commissioning editors or those TV job types you list on your FB page do a Google and turn up this thread? Because then your career in the media would be proper fucked. Like the rabbit. And you would have to learn to juggle balls and compete for a pitch down Covent Garden.

Shit. It has not worked out for you Lucy, has it? But there is a light at the end of every tunnel. You could be my sex slave. The hours are long and the pay is non existent but it is better than everybody in the TV and TV recruitment industries taking the piss.

PM me, yah? – The Iron Duke

Here’s the latest poll on which Princess Production lovelies the squaddies would like to shag:

World ends.

 



Posted: 25th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio Comments (14) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink