Anorak

Anorak | So, Alexandra Hall, What’s It Like To Have Sex With Jeremy Clarkson In A Reasonably Priced Car?

So, Alexandra Hall, What’s It Like To Have Sex With Jeremy Clarkson In A Reasonably Priced Car?

by | 31st, October 2011

JEREMY Clarkson and his wife Frances once sat on a super-injunction that prevented his ex-wife Alexandra Hall from ever talking publicly about her life with the Top Gear presenter and Sunday Times columnist. This was not to save Hall the infamy of being that woman who had found the pre-fame Clarkson sexually attractive and had had intercourse with him, rather it was to gag Hall from making claims that Clarkson was sleeping with her behind his wife’s back.

This all follows the false rumours that Clarkson had been shagging Jemima Khan – the intern and minted daughter of late money man James Goldsmith intern who recently became the anti-nepotism, equal opportunities campaigning New Statesman’s associate editor.

Responding to the Khan story, Clarkson wrote a newspaper columns in support the new injunctions, which are brought on the basis of European human rights legislation. As he said:

“It is said only the rich and famous can afford a gagging order. But only the rich and famous ever need one.”

Once again, as with Clarkson’s BBC colleague Andrew Marr, the rich journalist would seek to gag the press.

Now Clarkson is of the opinion:

“Injunctions don’t work. You take out an injunction against somebody or some organisation and immediately news of that injunction and the people involved and the story behind the injunction is in a legal-free world on Twitter and the internet. It’s pointless.”

Clarkson went on to tell the Daily Express:

“I have to be very careful about what I say about her claims. I’m not denying them because denying them has legal implications now. She now has the right to say what she wants. And you can choose whether or not to believe her.”

Thanks. Always good when the rich and famous tell you it’s ok to believe whatever you want to. You half expect Clarkson to explain that he took out the super-injunction to save us from having our minds cluttered with images of an aroused man in creased, ill-fitting jeans and shoulder pads on his vests leering at a blonde. But we do not have to guess. If lies are told about you, the injured party can sue for defamation and libel.

Clarkson then added to his reasons for taking out the super-injunction and for ending it. As ever, opinion is was presented in a threesome, Clarkson’s verbal style is to deliver two things before reaching the third, his comedy pay off:

“Secondly, you used to be able to take out an injunction and then just sit on it. But as a result of a recent court case you are now ultimately forced by the courts to go to trial – which is unbelievably expensive. If you win, news leaks out on the internet. If you lose, you then get raped by your opponent’s legal fees. I regretted doing it from the day I took the injunction out to this morning. There is also an assumption of guilt which goes hand in hand with an injunction.

“Thirdly, my mother was desperately ill at the time last year. But she had a scan last week and it’s now entirely fixed.”

It turns out that Clarkson is neither funny nor cutting when it comes to talking of his own life. Wheeling out the sickly relative in public is the defence of the overgrown schoolboy who has no pet dog.

With the super-injunction lifted, Hall is free to talk. She hires Max Clifford, as she must, and contexts Richard Desmond’s organs, the Express and the Daily Star, sister publiction to OK!, wherein Hall’s words will surely soon follow.

Says Hall:

“All I want is for the truth to come out about my life – I’m delighted I can finally talk freely.”

The Star then delivers:

Alex also told friends: “It’s so hard when your ex becomes famous because he’s in the papers and mag-azines all the time, and on TV obviously. I have been haunted by his fame for the past 20 years and am still constantly reminded of him. It’s painful that he has tried to airbrush me out of his life.”

Now able to talk for herself, the tabloid is reporting what she says to “friends“. You might suppose Clifford is building Hall’s story in a series of asides and hints until it came be flogged for loadsa money to anyone interested in learning what it’s really like to have sex with Jeremy Clarkson.

The facts come dribbling out.

Says Alex:

“He was too big for his boots even back before he was famous. At parties he craved attention and was fat and opinionated. I had no idea how famous he’d become. He chain smoked and was just a fat slob. But he was very smart and anyone who couldn’t keep up was doomed.”

And if you really annoy him he’ll get his lawyers to shut you up.

The Star has now led with the Jeremy Clarkson story for three-straight days:

October 27: “Clarkson sex gag ban lifted”
October 28: “Sex With Clarkson: The Movie”

Aaron Tinney reprots:

Clarkson’s first missus has now hired PR man Max Clifford, 68, to find her a publisher, and he said yesterday: “It may even be a film.”

October 29: “Clarkson’s three-girls sex harem”

It’s an utterly ludicrous headline based on a story short on facts and any proof:

At the height of his [alleged] affair with Alex in 2003, Clarkson was pictured embracing his BBC producer Elaine Bedell and he had to explain himself both to first wife Alex and second wife Frances, 49. He told Alex he was “frolicking with a colleague” and he got away with it as she and Clarkson, 51, were having a secret affair [allegedly].

“I said to him in a text or phone call: ‘Oh dear, you’re gonna get into trouble, I told you I was the only person you could sleep with who wasn’t your wife.’ All he said was: ‘Hmmmm.’ It transpired that he had covered it up with his wife, dismissing it as colleagues mucking around. If I was his wife still, I wouldn’t have put up with it.”

Clarkson was hit by other allegations in April that he romped with blonde Top Gear Live colleague Phillipa Sage, 42. When Alex saw him in May, even though the injunction was in force and they were fighting a bitter legal battle, they talked about the latest scandal.

“As we met he gave me a hug,” said Alex, 46, a mum of two from Surrey. “I said: ‘What are you gonna do about Pip Sage then?’ To which he replied: ‘Her name isn’t Pip, its Phillipa.’ ”

We have no idea if any of that is true or not. Clarkson has not responded. If is it untrue, Clarkson is free to sue the Daily Star for libel. If it is true, you might be interested in watching the Star’s Jeremy Clarkson sex film-  the on with a shag in a reasonably priced car….



Posted: 31st, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink