The best April Fools day jokes of 2012
THE best April Fools day jokes of 2012: While we investigate news of a nuclear melkdown over Japan and a mass break out from Brampton prison hospital, others have had bash at the funny:
Cowell and Wallaims
What no super-injunction?
The Sunday Mirror: “As the pair took to the boating lake in a giant plastic white pedalo swan for an afternoon of fun, it’s good to see they’ve finally put those rumours to rest…they had a couple of hours relaxing together and when Simon cheekily teased David, he playfully whacked him with a daffodil.”
The Hosepipe Amnesty
A pilot scheme was being trialled yesterday in Kingston-upon-Thames. By midday a queue had already formed on the steps of the police station, as people prepared to hand over a variety of watering and sprinkling systems. Jo Cobley, 42, was waiting with her son Daniel, eight, and her 30m Maxi Pro Hozelock. “It seems a shame because I love my hose,” she said, “but it makes sense to hand it in when you’ve got kids because they might play with it when you’re not looking.” In return, they were being given a free “I’ve piped down!” badge.
Just a few hours earlier at the nearby Addison Garden allotments, keen vegetable growers were giving their crops a last water before handing in their hoses. Joan McConn, 65, said she would do so reluctantly.
“They’ve said that anyone caught with a hose can be kicked off the allotments. There are a lot of snitches and giving it to the police means you can’t be accused of anything.”
Toshiba Laptops for Dogs
The Friends Life E20 Balldogs – ECB
The ECB today announced that British Bulldogs will be shrugging off their lazy reputation this summer, as they take up a fetching role in this season’s Friends Life t20 competition. This summer will see an army of the loveable dogs dotted around the boundaries of the nation’s cricket grounds, with the sole purpose of returning balls that have been dispatched over the boundary. The move comes after a players’ consultation revealed that unnecessary chases over the boundary were increasing the risk of injury and sapping energy during the games. The Friends Life t20 season starts 12th June. To enjoy something completely different, book tickets at www.ecb.co.uk/tickets
Walkers DIY Crisps
Spotter: Matt Simpson
The Daily Mail looks at drink to go with your pastry:
Bubbly tax: After furore over VAT on hot pasties, Osborne puts a ‘green’ levy on champagne drinkers (and he’s is stocking up to beat it)
IKEA – Alum Key recall
Spotter:Ikea Australia have issued a product recall on left-handed allen keys (via @SportyMuslimah
Google Maps 8-Bit edition
In our pursuit of new digital frontiers, we realized that we may have left behind a large number of users who couldn’t access Google Maps on their classic hardware. Surprisingly, the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) was unsupported, despite its tremendous popularity with over 60 million units sold worldwide,” reads the blog post on the company’s official blog before adding “With Google Maps 8-bit, you can do all the things you already do on regular Google Maps. Search for famous landmarks and sites around the world. Take an epic journey with 8-bit Street View. Get detailed directions to avoid dangerous paths, and battle your way through a world of powerful monsters and mystic treasures.”
Richard Branson will journey to the centre of the Earth. As the press release says:
“Only 500 people have been to space, only three people have been to the bottom of the ocean, but no one has ever attempted to journey to the core of an active volcano. Until now.”
“…Virgin is proud to announce a revolutionary new vehicle, VVS1, which will be capable of plunging three people into the molten lava core of an active volcano. In its first three years of operation, VVS1 will target the five most active volcanoes in the world: Etna, Stromboli, Yasur, Ambrym and Tinakula.
“Sir Richard Branson will go on the first expedition along with Tom Hanks, Academy Award winning actor and star of Joe Versus the Volcano; Black Eyed Peas recording artist and science enthusiast Will.i.am; actor/producer Seth Green; and two-time Academy Award winning documentary filmmaker Barbara Kopple.”
Toss in Noel Edmonds, Gay Glitter and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and it’s bon voyage!
Hungry Hippo iPad
“In the late 1970s, a phenomenon swept the sporting world. A new game fell on the scene, one that created an international stir, world exhibitions, and a fever that can only be described as a “feeding frenzy.” And that game was Hungry Hungry Hippos. Well, it’s time to update this classic into the now with the Electronic Hungry Hungry Hippos iPad Game. Fully endorsed by the IHHHA (International Hungry Hungry Hippos Association), this game is the Hippo event of the century!…
“Electronic Hungry Hungry Hippos iPad Game is everything you remember about HHH. All four hippos are present and hungry, except this time, the hippos fit over your iPad and the game board is an app! This adds oh-so-many gameplay features, such as: 10 different game boards, each with its own marble style.14 power-ups to make the game play even crazier.Three scoring modes: standard, Vegas, and Regulation Tournament.And hippo-loads more!”
Spotter: Think Geek
The Mini Countryman
Spotter: Marketing Nabbed
Shaun Ryder Detoxes the Tories
The Smell of Arsenal (with no silver polish)
The Sun says Arsenal have harvested the smell of the Emirates Stadium and bottled it: “The £23 perfume includes a whiff of oils in the players’ massage area, the fresh-cut pitch and leather from boss Arsene Wenger’s dugout seat.”
The Guardian’s Jeff Tyler interviews a starlet:
Harmony Cousins is late. Her publicist mutters only the most cursory of apologies as he shoos her towards my table in the elegant dining room of Manhattan’s Palace Hotel, just 71 blocks from Ground Zero, where Cousins has insisted we meet. Apparently, the young star was up into the small hours last night at the New York premiere of Jude Law’s new gangster movie, and she is running behind schedule. “Harmony hasn’t got much time, so let’s get a move on,” the publicist says glumly. Cousins folds her slender legs under the table, flicks a copper-brown lock from her eyes – what smouldering eyes! – and says nothing.
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