Simon Cowell: the black toilet paper drip feed
SIMON Cowell is on the cover of three newspapers. The Daily Mirror leads with a question:
“An affair with Dannii, lusting after Cheryl, knifing Gary Balow…have we finally had our fill of Simon Cowell?”
No. Well, you might have. But the tabloids haven’t. The Mirror’s front-page news is a trail for a diatribe from Alison Phillips, who reads the Sun’s extracts from Tom Bower’s new book Sweet Revenge, and says Cowell lacks “integrity”, is “seedy” and “smutty”, possessed of a “mammoth conceit”, is “paralysed from forming proper relationships” and lacks honesty.
But he is good for 500 words and a pay check. Ker-ching!
Philips is also bothered that Cowell used Dannii Minogeu like a “hooker”.
Over in the Sun, Cowell is said to spend £3k a week on flowers, has Botox every six months and the toilets at his £20million Beverly Hills mansion come with black loo paper, perhaps to better disply the non-pooy extracts. For anything else coming out of Cowell’s arse, there’s (no, not a super-injunction) colonic irrigation to “make my eyes shine brighter”, or smarting as lesser mortals term it.
The Sun says Cowell dyes his hair, caps his teeth, and “whenever he is in the States, he is put on an intravenous drip in his bedroom for half an hour every Saturday afternoon. It pumps magnesium , all the B vitamins and pure vitmin C into his bloodstream.”
Yeah! He is warm blooded!
On flights, he “uses smelling salts to keep him alert and fresh”.
He is soooo macho is Simon. And if you are still in any doubt about the unmarried, childless lady killer’s rampant sex life, you need turn to the Daily Star and reads its front-page screamer:
“SIMON: 6 GIRLS IN ONE DAY”
Girls? Not women?
PR GURU Max Clifford last night warned his top client Simon Cowell that six former lovers were poised to reveal his sex secrets.
Why poised? Why have they not done so now? Clifford says he was advised Cowell on his profile. Are the six “girls” part of the sell? Was the News of the World forbidden from buying these myriad stories of Cowell’s sex life on the order of Rupert Murdoch, who broadcasts the TV moguls shows in the prudish USA?
“It’s open season. Yesterday six different girls called my office who supposedly have had relationships with Simon.”
There it is again with the “girls”?
Meanwhile, on twitter Cowell – who freely spoke to biographer Tom Bower at leantgh – tweets:
“This book is not written by me. It is unauthorised. The writer of it is Tom Bower.”
Oh, the lady doth protest too much.
In other news: Simon Cowell remains in charge or almost everything.