The fat truth about those surgically-implanted al-Qaeda bombs
NEWSWEEK says al Qaeda has an explosives expert called Ibrahim al-Asir. He and some top medics, who might not have taken the Hippocratic Oath, are creating bombs that can be stitched inside suicide bombers. This way, the killers will be able to get past airport scanners. Newsweek fails to say where the tapers will be in these cartoonish bombers, but menstruating woman might not make the most reliable mules.
We are told:
An American government source familiar with the report described it as 15 to 20 pages, single spaced, and replete with schematics and pictures. “It was almost like something you’d see in Scientific American,” the source said. (In military parlance, the bomb is called a “surgically implanted improvised explosive device,” or SIIED.) A diagram with arrows and blocks of text explained the surgical process. “The idea was to insert the device in the terrorist’s love handle,” says the U.S. government source, who declined to be named discussing sensitive intelligence. While it was not clear whether the terror doctors had ever succeeded in implanting explosives in a human being, they had experimented with dogs and other animals.
Fortunately these devices are easier to describe than to detonate. “You would have to have a very unique firing system,” says Borelli. “If it’s a ‘body bomb’ you are going to have to have a way to initiate it from the outside—almost a stent, or something like a pacemaker.”
In the “love handles”. As in, hiding bomb inside roles of fat? America must be terrified of a homegrown bomber, possible one right now sitting in a McDonald’s drive thru working his way through the umpteenth murder burger of the morning. Good job the spook never mentioned saddle bag bombs and double chin grenades. If he wants to declare war on the fat, bring it on. If we all jump together at once the tidal wave will swamp New York…
And if you want to see hat happens when you blow up lots of fat, take gander over here.
Spotter: David Pescovitz, Dave Pell’s NextDraft
Posted: 14th, May 2012 | In: Scare Stories Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
May 15th, 2012 at 10:27 am
Unfortunately the pictures will not go away, I have been reading Viz for too long. The midgets by the way are all male and they have not solved the problems of 5 o’clock shadow on long haul flights. Keep checking those baby chins folks, it’s our only hope
May 15th, 2012 at 10:08 am
you’ve really thought this through, haven’t you Yampster….?
May 15th, 2012 at 9:53 am
Breast implants is the way to go. Each one contaning a harmless liquid but, when mixed together forming a highly explosive mixture. Suicide midgets could be employed, dress as babies to discreetly suckle the carrier in the ‘mother and baby’ section and then when the midget is full the woman could emerge holding a primed and lethal midget in front of her. She could then threaten to burp it if the plane didn’t fly into the Shard or something. Just an idea. Do Al Quaeda have any midgets on their books? If they start recruiting, watch out!!
May 15th, 2012 at 9:28 am
I read “love handle” as the bomb being inserted in the terrorist’s dick…. maybe that’s just my mucky mind. It could be a bit more practical that swamping it in rolls of fat though – certainly easier to access… “Pull on this..!” ooh err missus!
May 15th, 2012 at 9:12 am
It;s all a whiffy story, isn’t it… One official source says and the world writes about it as fact
May 14th, 2012 at 11:09 pm
What i never got was this:
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Here is al qaida – the evil terror – global terror no less. with we are told millions of dollars in funds. a secret global network, planning to sneak a bomb into a plane and detonate it.
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why?
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If this is true and not manufactured BS – how come they don’t just take down planes with rockets.
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A Russian SA7 man portable anti air rocket has a black market price of about $40,000.
Columbian rebels FARC have quite a few,
ETA got hold of 5 and used 2 (one successfully) – if my memory serves me correctly
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The lowest recorded price a munition of this ilk was sold for was $3000 – though apparently this was an exception.
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$100,000 you could probably get 3.
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If the goal was terrorism, wouldn’t taking a picture of all 3.
then shooting down one plane in Europe and one in the US.
Cause more panic?
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at least until airlines employ countermeasures.
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Costing a whopping $500 per plane. (cost reduced from that if bulk buying)
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Yet instead we have another “Failed, pants bomber”, Which results in governments buying machines that cost $100,000 each.
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Handing over vast sums of money to private companies, for a technology that isn’t new, or otherwise useful.
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what would you do for a billion dollars?