Anorak | 10 ways to get yourself into a sexual harassment seminar

10 ways to get yourself into a sexual harassment seminar

by | 13th, September 2013

sex pest

DAVID DeAngelo, expert in douchery, has written a 10-point article about the art of talking to women… SEXUALLY. He uses the word so often in this piece that it’s impossible to read it without big caps and Zap Brannigan’s voice in your head, writes Rebecca Brynolf .

Let’s take a look at Dave’s advice for talking to women… SEXUALLY, point by point, and see where he might be going wrong.

“Did you know that talking about sex with a woman can be the first step to actually having it?” It CAN be, if you’ve established a genuine connection and a mutual level of attraction. It CAN also be the first step to a woman pulling the rape alarm, too.

“Unfortunately, most guys screw up big time when they try to turn a conversation in that direction, and end up coming across as “creepy” or clueless.” No kidding, Dave.

“The solution here is to learn how to flirt with a woman in a sexual way. Here are 10 tips to help you do so.” In a SEXUAL way, you say?


Number 10

“Speak in a sexy way

“Think you can turn a woman on with a high-pitched, squeaky voice?” Hey, it worked for Prince.

“Think again. Women pay more attention to your voice tone than to the words you speak.” Honestly, sometimes when men speak I’m so overcome with the SEXUALNESS of how men speak rather than what they say that I may as well be listening to Charlie Brown’s teacher.

“When you flirt with a woman in a sexual way, work on improving your delivery. Speak slowly, hold eye contact, deepen your voice and pause. But be careful not to be overdramatic and cheesy.” Dave, Dave. If you speak slowly with frequent pauses, a woman, or anyone, is going to think that either you’re slow, or you think they’re slow. OR that you think you’re a Brit abroad.


Number 9

“Accuse her of being the aggressor

“One the best ways to get the fun started is to accuse a woman of trying to seduce you.” And that, M’Lord, is my defence.

“For example, if she mentions something about her house, such as, “I just moved into a new place,” or, “Do you know how to install a wireless router?,” say, “Wow, are you trying to get me to come over to your house already? I’m not surprised though.” Women love it when men do this.” People I don’t really know being over familiar and patronising couldn’t dry up my vagina quicker, if I’m honest.

“Don’t be surprised if she really tries to get you to come over soon after!” But DO be stunned by the pigs flying overhead and the seven circles of hell being chosen as the venue for the next Winter Olympics.


Number 8

“Imply that you’re a stud

“Women want men who know how to please them, but you can’t come right out and say, “I’m a great lover.” Instead, use sexual innuendo to indirectly convey this message.” In YOUR endo, Dave.

“For example, suppose you’re at your place making a drink for a woman and she says, “Wow, you’re good at that.” Look at her square in the eye and say, “I’m good at a lot of things.” Like being modest. You’re the BEST at that.


Number 7

“Have her use you

“Women accuse men of using them for sex all the time, so why not turn the tables?” This can only go well for you, Dave.

“The next time you do something considerate for a woman,” AHAHAHA

tell her, “So you’re using me already next thing I know you’ll be trying to use me for other things as well.” She’ll find this role-reversal hilarious,” SHE ABSOLUTELY WILL. THAT’S HILARIOUS.

and it’s a great way to bring up the topic of sex in a safe, fun and non-threatening way.” Dave, we need to go through the definitions of safe, fun and non-threatening.


Number 6

“Sex up boring conversation

“When most men first meet a woman, they ask her typical, boring questions like, “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” Women usually hate it when guys do this,” Yes, people bothering to learn my name and what it is I do with my day is SO. DULL.

“but you can set yourself apart by using these drab questions to turn things in a sexual direction. For example, if you find out a woman is from Spain, you can say to her, “Hmm… you know what they say about women from Spain, don’t you?” They… can probably speak Spanish?

“Then, let your sly smile and solid eye contact suggest that you know Spanish women are… well, let’s just say a lot of fun.” Do… Do Spanish women really like go-karting? Playing charades? I don’t get your meaning, Dave. YOU’RE TOO SUBTLE.


Number 5

“Bring sex into everyday chat

“A great way to flirt sexually with a woman is to compare some “outside the bedroom” activities to “inside the bedroom” activities.” As in sexual partners are like buses?

“For example, let’s suppose you bring a female guest a cup of tea. You can follow by saying, “Looks like you’re on the receiving

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Posted: 13th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, News Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink