People with money to burn can ruin Frankie Cocozza’s body
YOU remember Frankie Cocozza don’t you? He was the chap who appeared on the X Factor looking like a knuckle peering out of a grizzly bear’s arse, who had perhaps THE most annoying ‘cheeky chappie’ schtick since Loaded sent a load of their writers on television to defend their stance on burping at women’s baps.
You may also remember that he got his derriere out and displayed a bunch of girls names he’d got tattooed on, when notches on a bedpost wasn’t enough.
And now, clearly broke, he has offered to tattoo five fans’ names on his cheeks for £750 each.
If you didn’t know, Cocozza is now the face of something called The Telescreen, and seeing as no-one knows what that actually means, he’s talking about his buttocks so it can be dropped into articles like this one.
We hope it is like ITV Nightscreen, only with job adverts and lonely hearts columns transposed on his gormless mug.
Anyway, he’s pledged to add five new names – be they girls or boys – provided the person in question pay £750 for the privilege. The ‘personality’ told The Argus that the idea had started as a joke and he doesn’t expect there to be any takers.
“Obviously, the price is ridiculously extreme so none of us thought anyone would actually pledge it – and they haven’t, funnily enough. I’d be willing to have more – and boys or girls wouldn’t bother me.”
This means that, rich people with money to burn or, indeed, cruel swines (usually the two go hand-in-hand), should contact Cocozza and get their ‘names’ branded on him for life… only if they pretend they’re called ‘Robert Mugabe’ or ‘Frankie Cocozza Is More Irritating Than Venereal Diseases’.
Get your chequebooks out now.