Tommie Rose’s Treats Will Settle Your Jamie Oliver Indigestion
Tommie Rose, 15, made what the Daily Mirror calls a “fortune” by selling food to his fellow pupils at Buile Hill High School, Salford. He employs casual labour, paying two mates £5.50 a day. Tommie earns £60-£70a day. Not too shabby.
But rather than being praised, Tommie Rose is being threaned with expulsion unless he gives up the day job.
Tommie has been here before. In 2011, he was suspended for 10 days for selling his lovely treats at the Oasis Academy in Salford. So. He changed schools. And he set about earning some more dough.
The school is upset. You see, Master Rose sells chocolate, crisps and fizzy drinks. They are bad foods. Food is now a moral issue and there are good and bad foods. Nosh is bad food. Carrots are good food. Organic carrots are saintly foods. Sugar is evil. The jury is out on tap water. Broccoli is monkhood. Fresh juice is an Innocent as a nun’s knickers.
An advert on the Sun tells readers that “good good” is served by “good people”.
Tommie’s school has a “healthy eating policy”. Of course it does. Like many of us it’s been brainwashed to see food as a moral matter. It’s not one meal a day with your mates the school provides; it’s an invaluable lesson in swallowing a vision of lithe, uniform youth.
And for this you can blame Tony Blair and his mate Jamie Oliver.
Oliver, a TV chef, dressed up like a tomato, filled a school bus with sugar and tried to persuade parents (i.e. ignorant indigenous people) to feed their kids the ‘right’ way. For Jamie’s Return to School Dinners, the reformer wore a fat suit and ate an ice-cream. Fatso was so busy enjoying his snack he missed the school bus. The message was clear: fat people were being left behind. Fat people were uneducated. Fat people must not be allowed to eat a yummy ice-cream before they’ve had their polenta and humus while the thin and worried of us have to get a bus to work. Fat people must be taught to fret about their size and know themselves to be bad. Jog, you bastards.
Once upon a time, being fat meant being jolly. Under New Labour, fat meant you were a social pariah, a loser reared by mentally negligible parents.
Two mums, Julie Critchlow and Sam Walker, reacted to Oliver’s patronising by setting up their own meals-on-heels service to kids in Rotherham. They took the nippers’ cash and delivered takeaway burgers and chips through the school gates. They were the rebels.
Said Walker to the Sun:
“This is all down to Jamie Oliver. I just don’t like him and what he stands for…
“He’s forcing our kids to become more picky about their food... We’ve done this because our kids are being served up disgusting rubbish by the school. They’re not even allowed out at lunchtimes to buy something they can enjoy. Food is cheaper and better at the local takeaways.”
But the Sun didn’t salute the women showing they were in charge of their own children and prepared to stand up for them. They called the women “sinner ladies”. They were “junk mothers”. These slack-jawed fools were guilty of “feeble parenting that turns kids into fat”.
And fat is bad.
Jamie then dressed up like a tomato. A big fat one. He told us:
“I’ve spent two years being PC about parents. It’s kind of time to say if you’re giving very young kids bottles and bottles of fizzy drink you’re a fucking arsehole, you’re a tosser. If you’ve giving bags of shitty sweets at that very young age, you’re an idiot.”
We all hate Other Parents, those losers who have no idea about parenting. Get a load of Jamie Oliver and his potty mouth. Disgisting. Give that man a soapy sandwich. Some parents, eh. Tsk!
Of course, it’s by watching other parents and judging them harshly we become better parents ourslves. So. We vow not to be like them. And the Rotherham mums vowed not to be like Oliver.
But Jamie had mates.
In 2006, New Labour set up the School Food Trust, “to advise on children’s eating habits, recommended that the only drinks available should be fresh or bottled water, skimmed or semi-skimmed milk, pure fruit juices, yoghurt and milk drinks or combination drinks such as smoothies, low calorie hot chocolate, tea and coffee.”
The thinking was that the kids would spend their money on stuff that was good. They didn’t. They waited to buy what they wanted. Choice, you see, works. The market cannot be fixed. Schools lost money. and the likes of young Tommie stpp in and fill the gap in the market. The school could be earning at least £80 a day from ‘junk’ food.
The school should change its policy. One did:
A school which banned unhealthy food and drinks from its vending machines has had to change back to a more teenager-friendly range of snacks.
Queensbury Upper School in Dunstable installed machines with organic crisps and healthy options – but pupils “voted with their feet” and did not buy them. Instead the school has moved to a compromise, with machines without fizzy drinks, but with brand-name snacks.
Shocking news is that the youth are all right. They know what they like. And they will save their money for it.
Jamie then went to the world. Jamie’s Oliver’s Food Revolution would reverse the Boston Tea Party by colonising the US with roasted courgettes.
“We don’t want to sit around eating lettuce all day!” said DJ Rod Willis, on the Rocky n’ Rod morning show at a country station. “Who made you king?” he demanded.
Tony Blair and a compliant media did.
Jamie Oliver wasn’t listening. Other Parents never do. In 2012 he had dire warnings:
“We don’t want bullshit about the big society. We want a strategy to stop Britain being the fifth most unhealthy country in the world. The most unhealthy country in Europe. This is the first generation of kids expected to live not as long as their parents. Tell me, Mr Gove, Mr Lansley, how you plan to change that? Two out of five kids are obese. What is in your arsenal? The fact is, they are doing nothing…”
Unhealthy? Cheap protein is the marvel of the psot-war years. Slice it, dice it, twizzle it and slap it into a bun. Protein is cheap and good for you.
Tasty fatty food is naughty. But nice…