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Anorak | Censor demands ban on singing Delilah at Wales and Stoke FC matches

Censor demands ban on singing Delilah at Wales and Stoke FC matches

by | 6th, February 2016

 

Media hungry Labour MP Chris Chris Bryant wants people to stop singing Delilah, the song made famous by Welsh crooner Tom Jones. He specifically wants us to stop singing it at Wales rugby union matches and whenever Stoke City FC play – fans of both teams have taken the song to their hearts. It is one of many songs from the golden age of pop still sung by British sports fans.

Chris, MP for Rhondda, says:

“It is a simple fact that when there are big international rugby matches on, and sometimes football matches as well, the number of domestic violence incidents rises dramatically.”

Why, why, why, Chris Bryant?

“I know that some people will say, ‘Oh, here we go, he’s a terrible spoilsport,’ but the truth is that that song is about the murder of a prostitute. It goes right to the heart of the issues we are discussing. There are thousands of other songs we could sing.”

Such as ‘Chris Bry-ant is a f***ing twat. Chris Bry-ant is a f***ing twat etc.’ (Sung to the tune of Go West). Or, ‘There’s only one Chris Bryant, he demands we stay silent. He’s five foot tall and his brain’s too small, Livin’in a Bryant wonderland!’ Or, ‘He’s red, he’s fat he rents out his London flat, Chris Bry-ant, Christ Bry-ant’.

Says Chris the censor:

“I have sung Delilah as well — everybody loves doing the ‘She stood there laughing’ moment but if we are really going to take this issue seriously in Wales, we have to change how we do things.”

Chris is Labour MP. So let’s play out their theme tune. It features lots of Welsh kit red:

The people’s flag is deepest red,
It shrouded oft our martyred dead,
And ere their limbs grew stiff and cold,
Their hearts’ blood dyed its ev’ry fold.

Then raise the scarlet standard high.
Within its shade we’ll live and die,
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer,
We’ll keep the red flag flying here.

Look ’round, the Frenchman loves its blaze,
The sturdy German chants its praise,
In Moscow’s vaults its hymns are sung
Chicago swells the surging throng.

Then raise the scarlet standard high.
Within its shade we’ll live and die,
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer,
We’ll keep the red flag flying here.

It waved above our infant might,
When all ahead seemed dark as night;
It witnessed many a deed and vow,
We must not change its colour now.

Then raise the scarlet standard high.
Within its shade we’ll live and die,
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer,
We’ll keep the red flag flying here.

It well recalls the triumphs past,
It gives the hope of peace at last;
The banner bright, the symbol plain,
Of human right and human gain.

Then raise the scarlet standard high.
Within its shade we’ll live and die,
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer,
We’ll keep the red flag flying here.

It suits today the weak and base,
Whose minds are fixed on pelf and place
To cringe before the rich man’s frown,
And haul the sacred emblem down.

Then raise the scarlet standard high.
Within its shade we’ll live and die,
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer,
We’ll keep the red flag flying here.

With heads uncovered swear we all
To bear it onward till we fall;
Come dungeons dark or gallows grim,
This song shall be our parting hymn.

Then raise the scarlet standard high.
Within its shade we’ll live and die,
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer,
We’ll keep the red flag flying here.

 

Or not.

 



Posted: 6th, February 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink