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Eyes wide shut: Ola Jordan dresses for sex

Former Strictly Come Dancing hoofer Ola Jordan reveals her “sexist secrets” in the Sun. Ola is the new “celebrity face” of Ann Summers, the high-street store selling aids to masturbation.

SAUCY Ola Jordan has confessed she wears a blindfold in bed to let her dancer husband know whether sex is on – or off – the cards.

If your wife will only shag you when she’s blindfolded, you might worry. If she asks you to wear David Beckham’s new scent behind the armpits, play a recording of George Clooney breathing and promise not to talk, you might worry a little more. Or you might just think, ‘Well, that lazy eye always was a little distracting’ and crack on.

Ola, 33, said: “It’s so good. On one side it says ‘Yes Please’ and on the other side it says ‘Not Tonight’.

“When I don’t fancy it, I just put that side, ‘Not Tonight’.

The funny thing is that he also wears blindfolds to communicate his sex drive, and they’ve not seen each other in bed for years. Nah, they are, of course, at it “hammer and tongs”, as the Sun says.

As husband James reads his wife’s mask and wonders if she’s asleep before watching slinking off to Match of the Day, we see a picture of Ola dressed in her busy undies.

 

 Ola Jordan and James Jordan for Anne Summers campaign Ola and James Jordan first celebrity Couple Ambassadors for Anne Summers

Yeah, she’s wearing less than she does on prime-time telly.

 

Ola ann summers

 

Magic.

Posted: 23rd, August 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, The Consumer, TV & Radio | Comment


Ann Summers Fights Off Rampant Rabbi Marital Aide

rampant rabbi

SHED Simove has created the Rampant Rabbi, a plastic phallus that lets a toy Jewish cleric touch your innermost being and turn you on to holy love.

For £99, you can buy the device (tagline: “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!”).

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Posted: 27th, October 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Allison Cox In Court For ‘Annoying’ Jacqui Gold With Poison

NANNY Allison Cox, 33, from East Grinstead is at Guildford Crown Court. She is charged with administering poison with intent to “annoy” Ann Summers owner Jacqueline Gold.

The allegation is that Cox spiced Gold’s soup with soapy window wash – to give it a clean finish, perhaps?

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Posted: 20th, January 2011 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Ann Summers Owner Poisoned By Cox: Jacqueline Gold’s Screen Wash Horror

ALISON Cox is the nanny charged with poisoned Ann Summers head rabbit Jacqueline Gold – daughter of West Ham owner David Gold – by poisoning her dinner with screen wash. Cox- and what better name for an Ann Summers nanny than that? – was looking after Gold’s daughter Scarlett at the family mansion in Whyteleafe, Surrey.

Gold said her dinner tasted funny. The soup was tested. And the allegation is that it was spiced with soapy window wash.

Cox has been arrested and charged with three counts of “administering poison with intent to annoy”.

Yeah, really. It is, is it not, the greatest charge of the year. The point. M,’lud, was not to kill nor maim; it was only meant to annoy. That gun was meant to antagonise. That knife was meant to rankle.

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Posted: 24th, December 2010 | In: Reviews | Comment