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Andy Murray Works On his Grunt

grunting-tennisIT’S summer. And that means tennis. And that means Wimbledon and Murray Maniacs and a promise of life after Tim Henman and loadsa grunting.

Murr-rrry fits nicely with the Timm-mee chant. But while Timm-eee looked at home among the tennis club sisterhood, Murray looks as if he’d rather be playing before a football crowd, where grunting is the norm.

At the French Open, Michelle Larcher de Brito, a 16-year-old Portuguese, unleashed a memorable grunt that outlasted many of her rallies. Her opponent, Ara-vane Rezaï, complained to the umpire about the din. Larcher de Brito lost and was booed off court.

Says Larcher de Brito:

“I don’t think it would be fair if you’re not allowed to shriek or scream or grunt. It’s part of the game. I’m 16 and I’m still learning. Maybe I can eventually put it under control. I don’t know, but I’ll try. It comes from Seles; it comes from Sharapova. It comes from great players.”

Had only Arthur Mullard been born a few decades alter and handed a racket Britain may not have had to wait so long for a champion. You emulate the great to make yourself great, and the British just aren’t cutting it.

Play up!

It’s a matter of national standards. Horatio Nelson is hit and emits an invitation for a kiss. King Harold is speared in the eye and barely gasps. Gordon Brown’s mouth grasps for air and finding it carries on. Listen for a grunt on the film Zulu. None. It’s just singing.

Compare that to American legends like Sylvester Stallone who serialised his grunts into a franchise, and the French for whom the grunt can be translated into – and we’re not making this up – 5,321 different nuances.

It’s time to hang up Cliff Richard’s umbrella and bring in Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

“Tennis,” says Frankie.

“Ugh!” grunts the crowd, in the manner of Angelina Jolie taking on in the stomach.

What is it good for?

“Ugh!”

Posted: 14th, June 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


POW: Putin And Sarkozy’s Political Fight Club

RUSSIAN tiger hunter and lover Vladimir Putin is to train France’s pocket-sized leader Nicholas Sarkozy in the art of unarmed combat, reports Le Figaro.

Says Putin: “He is interested in martial arts and we have decided to do some training together.”

Anorak wonders if the two men have decided to save money on their respective armies by forming the Politicians Organisation de Wrestlers (POW)?

If so, it’s a good idea, and one trailed by Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, September 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)