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Cheryl Cole and Liam Payne split Bear

liam-payne-cheryl-split bear

More than anyone can Bear

 

News that Bear Payne — offspring of former One Directioner Liam Payne and former Girls Aloud hair model Cheryl Cole (see tattoo) – is to be divided between his estranged parents is odd. “CHERYL AND LIAM SPLIT,” says the headline. “They’ll share Bear.” Share Bear sounds a bit like Care Bear, the cutesy 1980s dolls, or Hair Bear, as in The Hair Bear Bunch!, a 1970s American animated television series produced by Hanna-Barbera. Share Bear could be a new toy and tribute to marriage guidance: a soft Bear that rips in half, allowing both parties on a break-up to take one part each – Liam gets everything above the waist; Cheryl the lower half.

The Sun adds on Page 5 that Bear is Liam and Cheryl’s “Whole world”. It’s Bear World, a place of dirty nappies, spit-ups and gurgles. We also hear that the split is “amicable”, which says something about the level of passion their love affair, and how the split is down them being in “differing stages of their lives” – he is in shorts; she is in rollers.

The couple first met on the X Factor, where Cheryl was a 23-year-old judge and Liam a 14-year-old contestant. When they got together, love was so real, true and lasting that young Liam told us, “I celebrate Valentine’s Day every day.” Each morning there Mr Valentine was in his tux clutching a bear tied to a heart-shaped helium balloon. Eventually, of course, the thrill of popping to the shops for a teddy wears off and you make the choice: garage forecourt flowers or a Bear that actually grows and vomits.

Posted: 2nd, July 2018 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Private Cheryl Cole world to keep the limelight as Liam Payne goes solo again

Like you, everyone else thought Cheryl Cole / Surname and former One Direction extra Liam Payne would spend the next decades together in Instagramed bliss. But, then, we also thought “the nation’s sweetheart” (Cheryl – source: all papers) would hang on in their with her first two husbands.

It turns out that Cheryl and Liam are not getting on well. The pair are “preparing to end their relationship”, in much the same way as mere mortals prepare to end a bath or log off twitter. You know how it is: you pull the plug, see the water circling life’s plughole, call your agent and announce that “crisis talks” with the rubber duck might not work.

A few unnamed “friends” helpfully call the Sun to say that Cheryl is “very private” – see photos of her arse and marriage in OK! – that she is an “amazing” mother to the couple’s child, Bear, has been “left holding the baby”, how she will “battle” on, and open Cheryl’s Trust Centre, a place where “vulnerable young people” can feel her unique brand of love.

No word yet on who gets to keep the paparazzi.

Posted: 19th, February 2018 | In: Celebrities, News, Tabloids | Comment


Bear Payne: Cheryl and Liam’s son wears wooden nappies

bear payne

 

In a “showbiz exclusive” the Sun leads with news that Cheryl Cole has named her baby…Sophie. No, only joking. It’s Bear Payne, the surname born of the baby’s dad Liam Payne, formerly of One Direction, and the first name inspired by an animal famed for shitting in the woods and time spent “getting to know their baby”.

Happily, Cher and Liam have loads of money to equip each of their bathrooms with a copse, so making Bear feel very much at home and preventing the bairn suffering any undue embarrassment.

Posted: 2nd, May 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


Nickelodeon’s 25th Annual Kids’ Choice Awards in photos

TO Nickelodeon’s 25th Annual Kids’ Choice Awards to see Justin Bieber and Will Smith in green snot bukkake and the brightest teeth and talents win awards. Also there was Michelle Obama, who was not slimed, unforgivably…

THE PHOTOS:

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Picture 1 of 37

Heidi Klum, left, and Chris Colfer get slimed as they present the award for favorite TV actress at Nickelodeon's 25th Annual Kids' Choice Awards on Saturday, March 31, 2012 in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

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Posted: 1st, April 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment