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Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito to follow up Twins with Eddie Murphy in Triplets

WHAT you’re about to read is one of the most disturbing and potentially brilliant things you’ll ever digest. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito will be revisiting their awful family comedy, Twins. If that isn’t a weird enough notion in itself, they’ll be drafting Eddie Murphy for this sequel, which will be called Triplets. 

Yes. You heard.

The brothers Julius and Vincent are going to discover that they have a third genetically-conceived sibling and that person just happens to be Eddie Murphy who will no doubt be itching to play as many characters in the film as he can (as opposed to, y’know, sticking to one character and making it half decent).

According to reports, Schwarzenegger, DeVito and Murphy are all signed up for this obviously terrible idea. However, it is such a godawful notion, that it will surely be a must for those among you who love watching a carcrash unfold.

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Posted: 30th, March 2012 | In: Film | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Margaret Thatcher’s family decline red carpet of Iron Lady

THE new Meryl Streep flick about Margaret Thatcher – Iron Lady – is almost certainly going to ruffle some feathers, not least with Thatcher’s own family who have rejected an invitation to see the movie at a public screening, according to the film’s director.

Phyllida Lloyd said that despite the fact she based most of the film on the autobiography of the former Prime Minister’s daughter Carol, she’s not actually spoken to the family about the controversial picture.

Of course, Iron Lady has attracted a fair amount of criticism from various quarters. Some don’t like the way it has depicted the Baroness suffering from dementia. Others just thoroughly hate Maggie Thatcher and are worried that the film will shine a kind light on her.

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Posted: 4th, January 2012 | In: Film | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Bill Murray defecates on Ghostbusters 3 script

WHAT does Bill Murray think of Ghostbusters? What is Ghostbusters? Sadly, it’s not a film about the ample bosom of sexy female spectres, but rather (as you damn well know) a caper involving some near-useless blokes in boiler suits getting giddy in the face of gate-keepers and goo inducing thimgummies.

Oh, and in the first Ghostbusters, Ray is fellated by a ghost in a montage, but no-one ever mentions that.

Either way, pretty much everyone loves both Ghostbusters films and a third one wouldn’t go amiss. We can all revel in nostalgia and all collectively fawn over Bill Murray who is possibly the coolest man on Earth.

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Posted: 21st, December 2011 | In: Film | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Javier Bardem To Try And Kill James Bond

HAVE you seen No Country For Old Men? If you have, you surely agree that Javier Bardem is one of the most sinister humans to ever grace a screen.

He’s so good at playing a dead-eyed killer, that it is more than easy to actually convince yourself he actually partakes in murderous activities away from the screen.


Well, Javier is to take his menacingly blank gaze supernova as its been officially announced that he’ll be playing the villain in the as-yet-untitled 23rd James Bond film.

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Posted: 12th, October 2011 | In: Film | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Roman Polanski Acknowledges That He Probably Shouldn’t Have Sex With 13 Year Old Girls

IT must be difficult being faced with a supposedly genius filmmaker, especially when he’s got a penchant for having sex with minors.

This was the trouble faced by Ewan McGregor and Kate Winslet, who have both starred in films of Roman Polanski lately, and gushed about how clever he is in print, neatly sidestepping any awkward questions about ALL THAT.

However, oddly, the French-Polish filmmaker is now the one chattering away about it all and has, at long last, managed to mention the thing everyone’s been muttering about for aaaaaaaaaaages.

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Posted: 28th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Marilyn Monroe Film Opens In New York, Reminding Us All That She Was Pretty Fit

PRETTY much everyone on Earth has lusted after Marilyn Monroe at some point. It’s actually become a law that you have to have sexual thoughts about her, even if you have absolutely no interest in the female form.

And now, we’ll get the chance to remember how attractive she was as a film about the late actress’s time in England in 1956 is to premiere at the New York Film Festival.

My Week With Marilyn tells the tale of a brief encounter between Monroe and a set assistant while she was filming The Prince and the Showgirl with Laurence Olivier. Monroe will be played by the also fancied Michelle Williams. Kenneth Branagh star as Olivier to keep our arousal in check.

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Posted: 8th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Hollywood Is Dead: Angry Birds Movie Is Considered

HOLLYWOOD is not in rude health. People can’t be bothered going to the cinema in quite the same numbers as they once did. Quite right too as cinemas are the most joyless places on Earth with their smell of disinfectant and outrageously priced snacks.

The worst element of the movies is the films shown themselves, often being turgid, generic fluff dribbled out to saps paying a tenner-a-pop, for which they’re supposed to be grateful.

And the latest nail in cinema’s coffin is the announcement that we could very well be treated to a feature length version of the irritatingly addictive Angry Birds game.

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Posted: 4th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Wife Laughs, Then Probably Cries, In The Face Of Reconciliation

BICEP brained Arnold Schwarzenegger is probably sat somewhere on his own right now, silently weeping over photographs of his family that he destroyed when he forgot to put a condom on while entering his maid and then keeping the resultant child a secret for a decade or so.

He’s probably sent texts to Maria Shriver, his soon-to-be-ex who will take him to the financial cleaners, saying ‘I can change’, which are clearly very funny if you read them aloud in his voice.

Arnold Schwarzenegger And Mildred Patricia Baena’s Love Child Photos

However, Maria is not interested, making it abundantly clear that there’s absolutely no chance of her giving their marriage another try.

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Posted: 7th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Quentin Tarantino And Lady GaGa To Team Up For A Movie?

SEEING as Quentin Tarantino allowed Lady GaGa to use the Kill Bill Pussywagon in the singer’s promotional video for Telephone, it isn’t surprising that the film director is looking at GaGa and thinking of putting her in one of his films.

And what better way to try and sweeten the deal than by getting Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to butter up the Judas singer while on a jolly at the Cannes Film Festival? Unless they tried to adopt her, which could be kinda irritating.

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Posted: 12th, May 2011 | In: Film | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0