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Posts Tagged ‘Nigeria’

Nigerian spy chief had $43m dollars in his Lagos flat

Can it be that the bloke whose been emailing you all these years has been caught? Police in Nigeria have noticed Aoy Oke, the country’s National Intelligence Agency boss, after finding $43 Million in cash at his four-bedroom Lagos flat.

Police also found $36,000 worth of British pounds and $75,000 worth of Nigerian naira.

Nigeria’s anti-corruption body, the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, said it suspected the funds were linked to unlawful activities.

 

ayo oke

“It’s amazing what you find down the back of the sofa”

 

Oke’s been suspended from his job.

Oke has’t yet made a public statement, but unnamed intelligence sources told local media there’s nothing to see here, and the cash was just being held for covert operations.

Nigerian President Muhammadu Buhari isn’t buying it, and has suspended Oke pending an investigation. Vice President Yemi Osinbajo will head the investigation and report back to Buhari with findings in two weeks.

Meanwhile, that email about a pressing need to deposit tens of millions of dollars into your Post Office savings account might not be all that far-fetched after all.

Spotter: Foreign Policy

 

Posted: 21st, April 2017 | In: Money, Strange But True | Comment


Nigerian government pays 23,846 workers who don’t exist

Looking to save money, the Nigerian government culled 23,846 workers from its payroll. The Finance Ministry says the mass sacking saved 2.29 billion naira (£8m, $11.53m). But don’t worry – the sacked workers never existed:

The audit is part of an anti-corruption campaign by President Muhammadu Buhari, who took power last year. Corruption and mismanagement have long been a challenge to Nigeria’s growth, and the government has promised to cut costs.

The audit started in December used biometric data and a bank verification number to identify holders of bank accounts into which salaries were being paid. This process allowed the identification of some workers who were receiving a salary that did not correspond to the names linked to the bank accounts.

It also revealed that some employees were receiving salaries from multiple sources…

And you can do your bit to help. General Dr Clement Okon has 57 millions trillion dollars in a private account. But he fell foul of the current President and needs your help to release the funds. Just send your bank details to….

Some 23,846 non-existent workers were removed from the payroll.

Posted: 1st, March 2016 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment


Boko Haram: 200 Kidnapped Schoolgirls Are Now Muslim Brides

WHAT happened to the 200 girls kidnapped by Nigerian Islamist group Boko Haram?

Abubakar Shekau, leader of Boko Haram, says:

 “Don’t you know the over 200 Chibok schoolgirls have converted to Islam? They have now memorised two chapters of the Koran… We have not made ceasefire with anyone. We did not negotiate with anyone… It’s a lie. It’s a lie. We will not negotiate. What is our business with negotiation? Allah said we should not… We have married them off. They are in their marital homes.”

Looks like the hashtag failed…

Posted: 1st, November 2014 | In: Reviews | Comment


Boko Haram Kidnap More Innocents: Release The Hastags!

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Boko Haram loons have abducted more innocents in Nigeria.

The New York Times:

Scores of young women have been kidnapped in new abductions by Islamist militants in Nigeria, according to local journalists, a Roman Catholic bishop and news reports…

The kidnappings took place Saturday in a mountain village near the border with Cameroon, a Boko Haram stronghold, said Bishop Stephen Mamza, who is from the area but now officiates in the state capital, Yola.

The bishop described a situation much like the one last April when more than 200 schoolgirls were taken from Chibok in neighboring Borno State, a kidnapping that attracted worldwide attention. The fate of those girls still seems unresolved, despite government claims that a deal for their release is in the works.

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Posted: 24th, October 2014 | In: Reviews | Comment


Witchcraft Eradicator Sues British Humanist Association For Half A Billion Dollars

witches

 

THE British Humanist Association has a court case looming:

The British Humanist Association (BHA) and Witchcraft and Human Rights Information Network (WHRIN) are being sued by the wealthy evangelical preacher and ‘witch hunter’ Helen Ukpabio who has dubbed herself a ‘Lady Apostle’. Mrs Ukpabio claims to have expertise in identifying children and adults who are possessed with witchcraft spirits and in how they can be ‘delivered’ from those spirits. Her lawyers have informed the BHA and WHRIN that she is launching a legal case against them due to their criticism of her teachings and methods.

…Her legal case against the BHA is based on Mrs Ukpabio’s stating that she wrote that a child ‘under the age of two’ who is ‘possessed with black, red and vampire witchcraft spirits’ can be identified by features such as s/he ‘screams at night, cries, is always feverish, suddenly deteriorates in health, puts up an attitude of fear, and may not feed very well.’ Her teachings are to the effect that babies under the age of two who exhibit signs of illness or standard, entirely normal childhood behaviour (such as crying, not feeding well, screaming at night, having a fever) may be possessed by vampire witchcraft spirits. She also teaches that children who stamp their feet may be ‘trying to make signs… to communicate with gnomes, the witchcraft spirit in charge of the earth.’ Ukpabio claims that the BHA misrepresented her by saying that she ascribed these symptoms to Satanic possession and hence has damaged her reputation and livelihood to the sum of half a billion pounds.

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Posted: 8th, September 2014 | In: Money, Reviews | Comment


BringBackOurGirls Is The Narcissism of Social Activism

our girls

 

DID you do your bit for the 276 schoolgirls in Nigeria kidnapped by the nutjobs of Boko Haram? They are not foreingers. No. They are ‘our girls’. It’s not about them. It’s about us.

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Posted: 15th, May 2014 | In: Reviews | Comment


Man Sues Close Up Toothpaste After He Failed To Seduce Women

 

“WHERE is the Close Up effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years,” says Anthony Olatunfe. He’s using Unilever Nigeria Limited for failing to live up to the promise that brushing with Close Up toothpaste makes you irresistible to women.

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Posted: 14th, January 2014 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


Nigerian Scammers Float Messages In Bottles Up River Thames

scammers

NIGERIAN scammers have found a way to reach Lottery winners and recipients of General Goodboy’s largesse: messages in bottles.

Tom Fenton, from Caversham, Berkshire, spotted bottles bobbin in the River Thames. He fished them out. Inside each were notes:

“Dear Friend, I am pleased that this letter has reached you safely. I was given your name as an honourable and upright person to do business with.

“Let me introduce myself; I am Umsloppogas Adinga a barrister working in the Nigerian inheritance court and have been assigned to the estate of a Mr Bates who has left an unclaimed estate totalling £4,500,000. If left, the money would revert to the government and I want to get the money safely to a western bank account. If you will allow me to use your bank account for this purpose, I would be happy to render 10 per cent of the estate to you as a fee for helping me with this transaction.

“If you are happy to help me with this, please email me at neeeeeep@yahoo.com with your details so that we can progress this and once you have paid any fees necessary the money can be transferred to your account. May the lord bless our business arrangements. Yours faithfully, Barrister Adinga (aka Impro)”

Did these cries for help bob all the way to the River Thames from Nigeria, fighting against the currents to head upstream? Is this epic journey a sign of God’s will?

Much to debate, especially how anyone without email and internet connection can reach Barrister Adinga? We’d suggest cramming fistfuls of cash into the toilet and hitting the flush. With a following wind and luck. he’ll get the messages he so richly deserves…

Posted: 7th, November 2013 | In: Money, Strange But True | Comment


Why are the Nigerian email scams so obvious?

WHY are the Nigerian email scams so obvious? Because they’re obviousness acts as a very good idiot filter.

Amazingly, this useful information comes from Microsoft: something of a first from that organisation:

“An email with tales of fabulous amounts of money and West African corruption will strike all but the most gullible as bizarre,” he writes. “It will be recognized and ignored by anyone who has been using the Internet long enough to have seen it several times. It will be figured out by anyone savvy enough to use a search engine [and] won’t be pursued by anyone who consults sensible family or fiends [that’s Microsoft’s typo], or who reads any of the advice banks and money transfer agencies make available.

“Those who remain are the scammers ideal targets,” the paper proclaims, as “A less outlandish wording that did not mention Nigeria would almost certainly gather more total responses and more viable responses, but would yield lower overall profit.”

The basic argument is this: in order to be able to scam people out of their money you need to be able to find the stupid and gullible people.

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Posted: 22nd, June 2012 | In: Money | Comments (4)


Half-human half-sheep creature born in Nigeria – photo

TO Sokoto city, Nigeria, where a sheep havs given birth to a half-human monster. Medics at Fakon Idi Veterinary Clinic have called in the Nigerian Security and Civil Defence Corps (NCDSC) to fight back the crowds wanting to see the creature.

Some say the sheep’s owner must be investigated  – probed – and executed.

Says Garba Aminu, a commercial motorcycle rider, and thus an expert in such matters:

“This is an abomination in our land. To see a sheep give birth to a half human being is a mystery and that shows how terrible some people are. It is unimaginable that some people will be having intercourse with animals.”

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Posted: 13th, February 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comments (6)


Nigerian Scammers Invite Women To Buy US Soldiers Out Of Iraq: Some Fall For It

NIGERIAN scammers have a new ruse. Having brought us MSN employee Susan Boyle, the trickers now introduce us to US Sgt Mark Ray Smith, a soldier serving with the US military in Iraq.

Kate Roberts, of Melton Mowbray, Leicestershire, met Ray on the Friends Reunited website. Says she:

“Aside from losing the money, I feel like I’ve lost the love of my life. I know he wasn’t real but the feelings were real to me and that’s very difficult to come to terms with.”

Ms Roberts’s fall began when she clicked the ‘Find someone perfect for you’ on the site back in October 2009. She was hooked up with Ray, presented as a 43-year-old widower serving in Iraq. He had an 11-year-old daughter. She saw photos of them. After chatting, Roberts sent him £225 for a phone line.

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Posted: 1st, February 2011 | In: Strange But True | Comment


World Cup Heroes: Nigeria’s Vincent Enyeama Is Mr Relaxed

EAT your heart out Robert Green. You only switched off for a moment. The calmest goalkeeper at the World Cup 2010 award goes to Nigeria’s Vincent Enyeama. In these picture from Nigeria’s match with Greece – they lost 2-1 – Enyeama is the picture of a resigned, melancholic calm:

vincent-enyeama-1

Posted: 13th, July 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


Goodluck Jonathan Sworn In As Nigerian President

DAVID Cameron and Gordon Brown, we have news from Nigeria where the country’s President Umaru Yar’Adua, who died Thursday at just 58, has been replaced by Goodluck Jonathan.

Nominative determinism at work…

Posted: 7th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment


Dundee United And Other Stupid People

ARE you a big Dundee United? A BBC2 documentary about Lagos, Nigeria. And a chance to learn that Dundee United is a term of abuse. Dundee United means an idiotic person. Dundee United fans agree?

Posted: 25th, April 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Nigeria Caught In Sony Playstation 299 Scam

THE new Sony advert for PlayStyation 3 has fallen foul of the good people of Nigeria, area code 419. In the ad, the Rumour Monger invites the corporate drone to confirm or deny the device’s low-low-low price of 299. Says the drone:

You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet. Otherwise I’d be a Nigerian millionaire by now.”

Nigeria stirs.

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Posted: 21st, September 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (4)


How To Confuse A Nigerian Scammer

WANT to know who to deal with a Nigerian scammer?

Click image to enlarge:

how-to-block-the-nigerian-scam

The Nigerian Virgin Galactica Scam

Spotter

Posted: 6th, May 2009 | In: Money | Comments (3)


The Man Who Fell For The Nigerian Scam

OLD MR Anorak assures us that the Nigerian office is in fine fettle and that $150,000 has been earmarked for improvements to the typing pool personnel (you know who you are). Just as soon as the money is freed from the account of his dear Friend General A.N. Orak.

Meanwhile, it’s back to work for us and him, John Rempel, the man who fell for the Nigerian con. It cost him $120,000.

(I NEED TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENT SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE.)

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Posted: 14th, January 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)


Pumpkins For Helmets In Nigeria And XMas Trees For Teeth

IT is now law in Nigeria to wear a helmet when riding a motorcycle. And the helmet of choice is made from pumpkin [calabash].

Right now hundreds of Nigerians are doing impressions of the Headless Horsemen, each with hollowed out pumpkin atop their heads.

Kano Federal Road Safety Commission commander Yusuf Garba is not happy:

“We are impounding their bikes and want to take them to court so they can explain why they think wearing a calabash is good enough for their safety.”

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Posted: 7th, January 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Strange But True | Comment


The Western Immunisation Plot To Make Muslims Infertile

THE West wants to make Muslims infertile.

The chief of a village in northern Nigeria has been suspended from office for divorcing his wife because she had her children immunised against polio.

Buluma Ali has been ordered to re-unite with his wife or face “dethronement”.

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Posted: 14th, September 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)