Helen Mirren’s Nutbag
WHAT odds Her Majesty the Queen abdicating in favour of Dame Helen Mirren? And what odds that any of the serfs would notice or mind?
Indeed, the twin pluses of watching Prince Charles trying to keep busy as he is made to wait even longer for the throne and Mirren’s flashes of bosom on State occasions would endear this idea to the public.
For now, Mirren is holding aloft the Best Actress Bafta she’s won for her portrayal of the Queen in film.
Mirren cuts a fine figure on the Mail’s front page. And inside, the paper sees Mirren “look the part” as she walks along the red carpet for the awards ceremony at the Royal Opera house.
As ever, there is a focus on the outfit. And for readers keen to get the Queen Mirren look, the Mail reveals it to be a champagne and chocolate–coloured silk gown by designer Jacques Azagury. This creation is given added pizzazz by £200,000-worth of jewels.
Staying with our theme of Queen Helen Windsor, we wonder how much more magnificent Her Majesty would look if she made an effort, topped the look off with hat in a pastel shade and some proper gems and rocks.
And if she didn’t swear. As the Mirror’s front page announces: “Helen, Queen of the *@!#!* Baftas – She wins after a 4-letter boob on live TV.”
The air turns “royal blue” as Mirren is interviewed on the aforesaid red carpet. Matt Smith, a presenter on Sky News, warns Mirren that his channel is a swear-free zone.
Mirren: Where people don’t swear? Fucking nutbag!
Smith: You’ve done it again.
Mirren: Is it live? I’m sorry – I do apologise. That was an appalling thing to do. It was a joke and I take it back.”
But some things cannot be taken back. And “nutbag” is added to the national swear words database.
Listen out for it at the Queen’s next official engagement…
Posted: 12th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
