Anorak News | Prince William Splits From Kate Middleton, Camilla Awaits

Prince William Splits From Kate Middleton, Camilla Awaits

by | 14th, April 2007

ana-ferreira.jpgWHY has Prince William separated from his lover Kate Middelton?

The reasons are not yet clear. But rapprochement seems unlikely.

We advise the merchandise makers to cancel the commemorative wedding mugs, cups and teeth. Ye olde royale caterers should refreeze the crabsticks and the Queen Mother.
The Sun (“Wills and Kate Split”) hears an Army “pal” say that William has decided to dedicate himself to Army life.

As the paper notes, William is now a fully-fledged officer in the Blues and Royals. And he has thrown himself in Army life — “preferring to go out drinking with his colleagues than drive back to London to see Kate.”

Wills’ training is something we know about. Anorak has shone a light into the darker recesses of Bournemouth’s Elements night club.

We saw Wills with that leggy blonde Lisa Agar. “He invited her back to his barracks for a nightcap and she left at 4.15am when he said he had to go to bed,” says the Sun.

Although, through her tears, Kate may recall how Lisa told a different tale. Said Lisa: “He never asked me anything of the sort. I did go back with one of his Army pals called Rufus for a couple of drinks and then I went home, but that had nothing to do with William.”

camilla-fayed.jpgWe looked on as Wills extended the clammy hand of friendship to the bosom of Brazil. Ana Ferreira’s bosom. “He has big manly hands and certainly knows what to do with them,” trilled Ana. Demure Ana went on to parade her touched-by-greatness breasts in a lads’ mag.

And now we read that Wills has split from his one true love.

One “close friend of the couple” says: “As far as Kate is concerned, William simply hasn’t been paying her enough attention.

“She is stuck in London while he is living in an officer’s mess in Dorset. Kate feels hugely frustrated that their relationship just seems to be going backwards at a rate of knots.”

Poor Kate…

“At university they were living together. Now, nearly three years on, they are lucky if they see each other once a week. When he does get a night off, it appears to Kate that William would rather spend time drinking with his new-found Army pals.”

It is sad news, and cruelly disappointing for the media workers who have toiled to highlight Kate’s Princess Diana-like qualities.

Now the hunt is surely on for William’s next true love, the one who will capture his heart.

We are no matchmakers at the Anorak Bureau but have heard of a certain Camilla Al-Fayed.

Yes. Camilla. Yes. Fayed. Would this not be the perfect union?


Posted: 14th, April 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (29) | TrackBack | Permalink