Gay Men Do Alan Sugar’s The Apprentice
IT might be the pointy finger that does it, but whatever the reason the Star says “GAYS” are “SWEET” on Alan Sugar, human resources director of BBC TV’s The Apprentice.
“Apprentice sex shock for Alan,” says the paper.
Reading on we learn that while some kinkier “gays” will doubtless fancy Sugar’s bristly charms, it is his would-be apprentices who possess the allure.
It turns out that Sir Alan Sugar has become a gay hero after hiring a workstation of handsome chaps.
We’d like to chip in and say that Sugar is unlikely to have chosen the show’s agonists, all of whom are surely plucked from reality show central casting:
Nicholas de Lacy-Brown – The idiotic toff with the idiotic toff’s name has already left the show.
Raef Bjayou – The ethnic representation with a name that sounds like something uttered by an ejaculating donkey. Bjayou looks like the toilet attendant in the Bates Motel.
Lee McQueen – Best name of the bunch. McQueen should appeal to the gays.
Says Lee: “If you missed something in the earlier part of your life, you’ll find it again before your time is up.”
Old Mr Anorak The Elder once lost a stuffed brown bear only to be reunited with it seconds before his death when his son and heir pushed it on a roller skate into his room to the accompanying sound “Boo!”
Kevin Shaw – Kevin has excitable hair and the look of a Division 2 footballer. Says Kevin: “I will take no prisoners in the boardroom and will nail anyone who gets in my way.” Translation: I am fixated by crucifixion and death.
Simon Smith – Simon says: “I’m too soft at times – I fall for the little old lady factor.” Simon is the Essex boy contestant most likely to try and pull Sugar’s mother.
Michael Sophocles – A swarthy Telesales Executive sat in his pod dreaming of world domination. Get this “I am single minded and will manipulate others if necessary to get to the prize.” Translation: I can only think of one thing at a time and have no friends”
Ian Stringer – The token Celt. Ian gives the best quote of all: “There are two kinds of people in the world. Winners and… I don’t know how to spell the other word. I can’t say it…” Translation: I have a peech imthediment and am crip at speeling.”
Alex Wotherpoon – No nonsense Northerner. Says Alex: “I expect people to obey clear instructions. If this doesn’t happen I become annoyed.” You can hear the production team mouthing “You’re fired” as he entered the room.
All in all, an utterly unfanciable, unlovely bunch of l… What was it again, Ian? No, not lovers. Close. Try again…
Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio Comments (4) | TrackBack | Permalink
