Anorak News | Death Of The Wags: A Play

Death Of The Wags: A Play

by | 9th, December 2008

LADIES and gentlemen, Anorak Playhouse Theatre presents: “DEATH OF THE WAG.”

We join the action on the front page of the Daily Star where Wags are being “savaged by a top Premier League football boss”.

That’s the poster and tagline for the main event sorted. Tickets are sold at 20p a pop. The lights dim. A hulking figure takes centre stage and blasts:

“Players should settle down with a nice quiet girl instead.”

Lights dim. All is black.

The Star says the would-be Wag killer is “Big Phil Scolari”, a foreigner who because of his enormous size – they say he’s as tall as two Dennis Wises – commands attention and suspicion. The voice goes on:

“If a player has a good wife you don’t need to worry about him.”

In the Royal Box the sound of sobbing can be heard. That you Cheryl Cole? The sobbing stops. We listen. But no more. Only silence and the yak-yak-yak of a man being sick.

A silhouette appears on stage. He is holding what appears to be a large knitting needle. “Day-viiiid,” its screeches. “Dayyyyyyyy-vid.”

The man puts the thing to his maw and appears to use it to pick his teeth. A hissing sound as if a tyre or inflatable rubber ring has been punctured is heard.

The curtain falls.

The crowds cheer and there is much dancing and giving of thanks.

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you’re the Death Of The Wags…

Posted: 9th, December 2008 | In: Sports Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink