Anorak News | Santa’s Manifesto For A Green Christmas

Santa’s Manifesto For A Green Christmas

by | 22nd, December 2008

THE North Pole is to disappear in 5 years. But can it be saved. Time for Santa to get off his fat arse and do something. The Climate Kops want their presents, Santa. Goats don’t deliver themselves to Africa. Happily, there’s a text book.

‘Santa Goes Green’ pushes the eco-agenda with the story of a boy who forgoes toys to save the polar bear’s habitat. As Free Republic reports, via Gateway Pundit:

’Tis the season … to be green. No, not even the traditions of Christmas are immune to the efforts of global warming activism.

Not even…

No, it’s not Al Gore’s, “How Greenhouse Gases Stole Christmas,” but a children’s story is pushing a similar green agenda. The recently published book by Anne Margaret Lewis called “Santa Goes Green” is about a boy who writes Santa and asks him to help raise awareness about global warming so that his adopted polar bear won’t lose its home.

Save yourself, kiddo. The polar bear will do okay. Polar bears can swim, and if Knutjob makes it to Germany he’ll be a star… 

“You see, it’s like this Santa,” the book reads. “I’ve adopted a polar bear named Leopold. He is in danger of losing his home. I’m sure you being in the North Pole you know about the melting glaciers. All I want this year Santa, is to save Leopold and his home.”

Santa is not God. Santa can get you a li-lo for your polar bear but he cannot stop the sun. You need direct action, my boy:

Santa Claus visits the boy, takes him to see the polar bear and then in a moment of eco-awakening, he makes his operations at the North Pole green.

A green North Pole? It’s too late!

“They arrived back at the North Pole and Santa had a grand idea,” the book reads. “He leaned in toward Swift [the head elf] and told him his new plan. ‘We will collect all of the old toys, Swift, and make them new again. We will reuse last year’s wrapping paper. And we will harness the great North Pole wind to help power up the toy shop.’”

Santa’s manifesto:

We will slaughter the methane emitting reindeer and prevent global warming.

We’ll not give any presents to any families of more than one carbon breathing child.

When we land on your roof, if you don’t have solar panels we’re gonna smear the rood in insulating reindeer shit (see above) and shit down your chimney (see below).

Anyone with a chimney, a fire or any of the tools of fossil fuels will be taken from this place and shot in the throat.

Have a Merry Christmas…




We will block up your chimneys and seal all vents from which heat can escape.

Posted: 22nd, December 2008 | In: Reviews Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink