Anorak News | Osama bin Laden Mistaken At Airport For Russell Brand

Osama bin Laden Mistaken At Airport For Russell Brand

by | 6th, April 2009

AT Manchester airport, face-recognition machines are in operation.

The Telegraph has seen an internal email:

“Update on the calibration – the facial recognition booths are letting passengers through at 30%. Changes appear to have been made without any explanation [or] giving anyone a reason for the machines [creating] what is in effect a 70% error rate.

“[The fact that] the machines do not operate at 100% is unacceptable. In addition it would be interesting to know why the acceptance level has been allowed to decrease.”

Rob Jenkins, an expert in facial recognition at Glasgow University’s psychology department said when the machines at Sydney airport in Australia were set at 30 per cent Osama bin Laden was indistinguishable from the actress Winona Ryder and Gordon Brown became Mel Gibson and vice versa.

Most of have never met any of the aforesaid people, and if confronted with Bin Laden would we recognise him or would we, like the machine, mistake him for Ryder or, say, Peter Stringfellow?

And there’s Brown, a man who was born to wear a tie and jacket. If Mel Gibson suddenly started sporting crisp-seamed suit jacket and Comfi-Slax and spoke in the manner of a guppy-styled William Wallace would we accept him as our prime minister? Is this why politicians sat around tables have names plaques before them, a safety device rotted in a fear of being mistaken for Gibson?

Here’s an unshaven Gordon Brown in a blouson-style baseball jacket, with felt numbering, worn over open-necked shirt with EZee-fit denims and sneakers and finger-permed hair. Isn’t it?

What price that some of our leading celebs are part of a secret cabal that swap identities?

Jade Goody has died, say the papers, but the face-recognition technology says Kerry Katona has passed away and Jade is on her way to Ibiza with her boys, a young Mickey Rooney and Jimmy Krankee.

Kim Jong Il did not launch a satellite into the skies – Gary Glitter did. Is that Penélope Cruz or Ana de la Reguera? Helena Christensen or Cameron Diaz? Clair Short or John Prescott? Fred Flintstone or The Queen of Hearts?

It is all, of course, part of the Celebrity Cull, in which the EU Celebrity Mountain will be levelled, leaving just one ubiquitous celebrity, either Noel Edmonds (also appearing as Anthea Turner, Britney Spears, Gordon Ramsay, Fern Cotton, Max Clifford, Kerry Katona, Barbara Windsor, Hillary Clinton etc.) or Russell Brand (Cher, Dave Lee Travis, Nigella Lawson, Anne Widdecombe, Osama bin Laden, Barack Obama,  and many more).

Chocks away…

Posted: 6th, April 2009 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink