Anorak News | Suri Cruise On One Million Dollar Training Programme

Suri Cruise On One Million Dollar Training Programme

by | 8th, April 2009

SURI Cruise. Obey me. And for all you French and Spanish readers: Obey Me.

Early days in the education of Suri Cruise, but reports are that she will be able to say “Obey ME” in many languages when Tom’s $1 million investment in her education takes hold.

A “source” tells the National Enquirer:

“It doesn’t matter what Suri is doing, Tom wants her to be able to do it better than any other child. All parents think their kids are special, but Tom and Katie firmly believe Suri is gifted.”

Special needs.

“She is learning French and Spanish and has a tutor she sees once a week. Suri has shown a real love of dancing, so Tom and Katie are encouraging her as much as possible. She practices ballet, tap and modern dance for hours, nearly every day. She also has private gymnastics lessons and is learning soccer.”

Learning football – on her own? How novel.

The source adds:

“Katie likes to have Victoria and David Beckham’s sons around, since they are older. She thinks Suri will emulate what they do and learn even faster.”

F*** off, mum. I hate you, you witch. I never asked to be born. Buy it for me NOW or I will make your life a living hell! I am not gay! And you can’t make me! Dad, who’s she? * Ecoutez et repetez.


“Piano and violin lessons are on the to-do list. Tom and Katie just have to find time in Suri’s busy schedule!”

Suri will be all things to all men and women. She will be able to teleport her gifts to us in return for our supplication.

Tom’s is an investment in us all…

Spotter: Showbiz Spy; and D-listed

* Your writer has not lived with the Beckhams and bases the phrasing on educated guesswork of typical youths.

Posted: 8th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink