Anorak News | Facebook Induces Coma In Tony Blair Family

Facebook Induces Coma In Tony Blair Family

by | 3rd, May 2009

lauren-boothFIRST Facebook gave you cancer. Now Facebook can induce a coma.

The Daily Wail reports:

Lauren Booth: I changed my Facebook profile after a row and now my husband is in a coma.

Cause and effect.

Lauren Booth thought nothing of changing her Facebook profile from married to divorced. But her husband found out and shortly afterwards came off his motorbike.

What to do? What to do?

Luckily Lauren Booth knows just what to do: write a column about it.

My Facebook page is a serious place. You could even say it is a dull place to visit.

Indeed, not. A search for “Lauren Booth” on Facebook throws up these images.

But hold on. In case you fall into the trap of thinking Lauren Booth a self-aggrandizing, lazy hack drawing on her personal life and family members, she tells readers:

I only joined the 50million others keeping ‘connected’ online so that I could follow the activities of certain pressure groups I work alongside.

I’ve never downloaded a song on to my ‘personal page’, never felt the need to brag about ‘amazing’ nights out.

And certainly never wished to share moments of sadness with the passing tide of strangers and neighbours who may ‘poke’ me from time to time.

Never will she share her sadness with strangers. Good job, then, that she is among friends:

About ten days ago, I had an argument with my husband. These events are not rarities, as anyone who is in a 20-year relationship will understand. But it was serious nonetheless. Angry and hurt, I did what more and more adults of my generation do when they face emotional conflict: I fled to cyberspace for calm and comfort.

Says Lauren Booth. And in case you think her as deep as chicken’s spit:

Facebook membership to me has been a professional tool, a networking environment, rather than a place to share personal gossip or to trade emotional baggage.

Right on!

But then I saw it – the ‘status’ on my personal page that told the world I was ‘married’. Without thinking about it really, I flicked my mouse towards the options and in a millisecond it was done…

But in the past week I’ve come to regret that moment. I’ve woken up in the night sweating, heart clamped so tightly that I could hardly catch my breath because of it.

(How many words left to go, ed?)

And 48 hours later, when Craig went into the bar in our village’s tiny local, someone came over and nudged him (the real-life version of a ‘poke’, I suppose).

They nudged him and ruined his day by sneering: ‘So, single again mate, eh, eh? Fancy going to a club then?’ or some-such bar-type blokeishness.

Next thing the man is in a coma…

In desperation, I again turned to the internet. At 3am, soon after the police had handed me a bag with my husband’s torn clothes inside, I sent out an email.

I alerted family and friends to Craig’s condition, with a simple request: ‘Please pray for him.’

I sent that email to no more than 15 people. The next morning it happened: the flood. Dozens and dozens and dozens of emails filled page after page of my inbox.

A tidal wave of support washed over me as I sat in front of my laptop, tears running down my cheeks…

And the prayers and goodwill keep coming; from Muslim groups in Indonesia and the Middle East, from Catholic prayer circles in Italy, Spain and Britain, from Buddhists in North London and California.

Lauren’s has updated her Facebook Status to “JADE”…

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Posted: 3rd, May 2009 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink