Anorak News | Big Brother 10 Hit By Swine Flu

Big Brother 10 Hit By Swine Flu

by | 5th, May 2009


Yes, dear reader, Big Brother is almost upon us. And this season the agonists will be the 27 Britons who’ve swine flu. Right now a lap dancer in Basildon is offering free dances to anyone able to infect her with the deadly bug.

To the story, and it is:

“A MIDDLE-Eastern gambling syndicate is plotting to fix Big Brother and net a £2million-pound fortune. Gang members gained access to last year’s voting patterns and are ready to strike again when the new show starts next month.”

What did they do?

The Daily Star understands they made around £1 million by influencing the result of last year’s final with a surge of last-minute phone calls on outsider Rachel Rice.

Given the perennial story of jammed voting lines and the risk if placing bets on a show in which someone can be evicted for inappropriate use of the word “spazmo”, the scam is not without risk.

In case you’ve forgotten last year’s show, the Star recaps:

Blind DJ Mikey Hughes, 34, was 8-11 favourite but was narrowly beaten by dull Welsh teacher Rachel, 25.

The blind DJ or the dull Welsh girl? These Middle East betting syndicates have got some patience. Must come from hours of watching sand. And yes that is stereotyping – but we have to cram in 24-hours of hissy fits and bitching into a one-hour highlights package and to set the narrative everyone needs to be caricature.

But what of this year’s show?

Our source also revealed:

● Credit-crunch cuts mean the house has been refurbished “on the cheap” and wannabes will have to rough it.

Can you get cheaper than an outhouse in rurban Hertfordshire? Is this year’s show coming from the Ikea returns depot?

● Shock tasks for housemates include being held hostage by ex-soldiers.

Held closely, or by the hand? The throat?

● A crackdown on peeping toms among the crew who spy on contestants showering.

Which is our job?

All in all, Big Brother 10 promises to be the greatest Big Brother since Big Brother 9 – or we’re all pigs…

Posted: 5th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink