Anorak News | Global Warming Moves Centre Of Wine Making From France To Scotland’s Buckfast Triangle

Global Warming Moves Centre Of Wine Making From France To Scotland’s Buckfast Triangle

by | 19th, August 2009

no_buckfast-ashxGLOBAL warming is so real and so magical that it will do for Scotland’s drinking habits what Italy’s pasta men did for the Chinese noodle:

The global warming warning:

Gourmets in France are warning that unless global warming is stopped the world’s best wines will be made in Scotland.

But not necessarily drunk in Scotland where noses in the Buckfast Triangle – an area east of Glasgow between Airdrie, Coatbridge and Cumbernauld – like their wine strong, cheap and full bodied.

Scottish wine will come in three types to save mindless chatter: strong, very strong and varnish.

On the poverty-stricken housing schemes of west Scotland, it is known as “Commotion Lotion”, “Wreck The Hoose Juice” and, most commonly, “Buckie”.

A powerful, sticky, black beverage that is high in alcoholic volume and low in price, Buckfast Tonic Wine is the grog of choice for the country’s budget drinker and feral youth.

Buckfast is the product of the monks of Buckfast Abbey, nestled in the Devon countryside.

J Chandler & Co – the drink’s distributor – claims Glasgow City Council has told some shops not to stock it.

And they believe the tonic wine is being discriminated against.

Judges will decide in October at the Court of Session in Edinburgh whether there are grounds to judicially review Glasgow licensing board’s stance on the controversial fortified wine.

Nae bother, man. Global waming will turn Devon into an arid wasteland. And Scotland can produce its own Buckfast, exporting it to the thirsty French as a taste of how wine should taste: intoxicating.

Spotter: Tim Blair

An advert by the Scottsh wine council:

Posted: 19th, August 2009 | In: Reviews Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink