Anorak News | Linsday Lohan And Mischa Barton’s Death Battle

Linsday Lohan And Mischa Barton’s Death Battle

by | 4th, November 2009

img005FOR the first time in weeks, the National Enquirer leads with no picture of Angelina Jolie. And she should not be downhearted because the cover is dominated by the headline: “WHO’LL DIE FIRST?

Readers are invited to pick from Mischa Barton, Kirstie Alley, Lindsay Lohan, Robin Williams, Whitney Houston, Tori Spelling, The Hoff, Pamela Anderson and Simon Cowell.

With no dead star for a while, the NE is inviting readers to help it decide which obits to have ready by pressing F1 to F9 on the keyboard.

And this is not all. Further into the magazine, readers learn that Jon Gosselin is “RISKING KIDS LIVES” by driving a quad bike with child on his plump lap. A “tired–looking” Dennis quid is driving a car. And Brandy, a singer who once “caused” a crash that killed a mother-of-two, is talking on her mobile phone while driving.

And that’s not all. Miranda Kerr, lover to Orlando Bloom, is “emaciated” and Jamie King, an actress, has a “sunken in” neck.

Two pages on and John Travolta “FIGHTS” to save Joaquin Phoenix from “throwing away his career – and possibly his life”.

And on it goes with Garth Brooks threatening to “fall into Sin City trap just like Elvis”, and by inference a toilet.

In the main “WHO WILL DIE FIRST” feature, stars are awarded skulls and crossbones for how close they are to death. Burt Reynolds gets four badges, the same as David Hasselhoff. That’s one more than Whitney Houston. But all are beaten by Lindsay Lohan and Mischa Barton, both on five tokens.

This means Lohan, 23, and Barton, 23, are closer to death than Reynolds who is 73. No prizes for guessing which of the three would get the most headlines and create the biggest magazine sales.

In the pecking orders of dial-a-death, a young star scores big.

A few pages on and Jodie Sweteen, an actress on his US show Full House, says: “I WANTED TO DIE.” In which case she should either get in a car with Quaid or Bandy, or get to know Lohan and Barton, preferably both, before the next issue…

Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: National Enquirer Comment | TrackBack | Permalink