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Iran Parades Seized British Sailors In ‘Catwalk Show’

by | 1st, December 2009

iran6SAM USHER, Olly Smith, Luke Porter, Oliver Young and Dave Bloomer are being held in Iran after their yacht on is way from Bahrain to Dubai strayed into Iranian waters.

The British media goes to work, explaining the incident in five words or fewer:

Iranians snatch five British sailorsDaily Mirror

Snatch? As in kidnapped? But they weren’t snatched. They illegally entered Iranian waters.

And who are these sailors?

OUR LADS NABBED The Sun

Our Lads? Are the five in the armed forces?

Maybe Iran is right to be suspicious? The Mail makes a further link between five recreational sailors and the military:

They were captured last Wednesday by the crew of an Iranian naval vessel in a troubling echo of the kidnap of 15 Royal Navy personnel in 2007.

You will recall the trials of that crew, manned by Leading Seaman Faye Turney of the Navy knickers – always the knickers.

Her testimony still haunts us:

One morning, I heard the noise of wood sawing and nails being hammered near my cell. I couldn’t work out what it was. Then a woman came into my cell to measure me up from head to toe with a tape. She shouted the measurements to a man outside. I was convinced they were making my coffin.”

Turns out she was being measured for a Man At Ahmadinejad suit, one of those pasty-coloured, three-button, vent-less suits given to all visitors to the glorious Republic.

What odds that the Iranians targeted this latest boat and is crew because they were in need of some models to showcase MAA’s new winter range? Lets’ investigate the crew’s model credentials:

Luke Porter, 21, from Weston Super Mare – He lists his hobbies on his Bebo social networking site as sailing, surfing and rugby and describes himself as 6ft with light hair.
That’s the mannequin sorted. Now for the man to tell the story:

David Bloomer, from Ireland – He was born in Ireland but has lived in Bahrain and worked for Bahrain Radio and Television Corporation since the mid-1980s, starting as a newsreader then making the switch to DJ. He hosts the Friday morning sports show from 9am to midday.

Katie Price – Keen yatchswoman and all round floatation aide.

Look out for other celeb and models scrambling to board a boat and stray into Iran’s waters. Never mind the war, just get a load of the length of that coverage…

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Picture 7 of 7

Freed British servicewoman Faye Turney arrives in Mehrabad airport to leave Iran.



Posted: 1st, December 2009 | In: Reviews Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink