Anorak News | Iran Buckles Under Pressure And Releases Five Boaty Types

Iran Buckles Under Pressure And Releases Five Boaty Types

by | 2nd, December 2009

mahmoudahmadinejadweepingFRONT-PAGE headlines like “Fear for five Brit captives” (Star), “Brits face ‘hard & serious punishment’” (Sun), “Iran’s Evil Internt” (Mirror) and “Iran threatens serious action against sailors” (Express), may have created that impression that the Iranians were about to execute the five British sailors who has illegally entered the country’s waters.

Sam Usher, Olly Smith, Luke Porter, Oliver Young and Dave Bloomer were all in dire peril of a rum lot, sodomy and the lash.

But it turns out that after a few days in the company of five middle-class yachty types the Iranians surrendered.

The Iranian regime has buckled under the strain of listening to the constant drone of jolly japes in Cowes Week and the regatta when Susie and Olly stuck an oar in Abi’s champagne flute and Wills sahved second of his time by using a different knot.

The five have been towed to a point outside Iran’s waters, the Foreign Office reports, and made to promise that they will neither return nor make their experience sound interesting to other boat owners.

Says Mahmoud Alibastard of the elite Quds Force:

“I can’t take it. (Sobs.) On and on and on and on it went. There was no relenting. We begged them to stop calling their boats “she” and “the old girl” but they were merciless.”

The Official Persian Regatta will begin in earnest just as soon as Barack Obama – Man of Change – has completed his mission to make everyone realise what a good job George bush was doing…

Posted: 2nd, December 2009 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink