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Anorak News | Tiger Woods: A Dirty Habit, Cartoons And Sex

Tiger Woods: A Dirty Habit, Cartoons And Sex

by | 17th, December 2009

TIGER Woods: What next for Tiger Woods? After the car crash we wondered if Woods was alright. After the women, we wondered if they were a bit of alright? Now the Sun tells us:

“TIGER CRACKS UP.”

He’s gone crackers?

TIGER Woods is close to “cracking up” after “spending days alone watching cartoons and eating cereal.”

So, not cracked up, but close to? Maybe those cartoons remind him of the shape of women he likes, allegedly?

Woods is thought to be holed up in one of his two Florida homes and cannot even watch his favourite sports channel – as it carries regular updates on his romps with up to 11 lovers.

The Sun doesn’t know where Woods is but knows what he’s watching on the telly? And isn’t it up to 14 lovers? Hey, until it’s denied on the record it might be up any number of lovers. Did you shag Tiger Woods? And Woods has changed his phone number (yeah, that one he gave you, too. Hard luck.). The Sun knows this because:

His basketball star pal Charles Barkley said: “I’ve been trying to get to him and can’t. It’s very frustrating.” He wanted to tell Woods: “Hey, man, we love you. If you need anything, pick up the phone.”

Consider Woods told. And everyone else.

And there is good news for Mr Woods. He’s been voted the sportsman of the decade by Associated Press member editors.

As one told us off the record:

“Golf. Years and years of watching f****** golf. And then Tiger came and finally I was allowed to look at porn sites and comment on women.”

But then more bad news. Jamie Jungers delivers the news that will kill woods off forever when she told the world that Tiger Woods smokes. In America, you can cheat, you can shag around but if you smoke you are a corrupter of morals.

Happily, those nude pictures of Tiger Woods, the once that might exists but we can’t publish… Well, the Daily Mail has no news of the “nude pictures that don’t exist.”

Those women in full:

devon-james-2

Picture 1 of 53

Devon James



Posted: 17th, December 2009 | In: Sports Comment | TrackBack | Permalink