Anorak News | Liz Jones Is Patron Saint Of The Family Christmas

Liz Jones Is Patron Saint Of The Family Christmas

by | 22nd, December 2009

betancourt-jones1LIZ Jones wants Mail readers to know that this Christmas it could be worse: you could be Liz Jones or spending your Christmas with Liz Jones.

Nothing cheers you up more than knowing someone else is more miserable than you. And that someone is Liz Jones or anyone with Liz Jones. To remind readers how bad Christmas might be, the Mail gives ample space for Liz Jones to speak:

Loneliness is a resilient, persistent little beast. For most of the year, those of us who live alone can rub along pretty well…

To my mind, having seen the fatigue etched on the faces of parents waiting with their brood by the luggage carousel, this is far superior to the enforced camaraderie of the family holiday that frequently disintegrates into bickering.

Mums and dads strained by the Christmas trial can now sleep better knowing that they are not Liz Jones. And this Christmas as you row over the dinner table and stab and stab and stab at the turkey, think of Liz and smile:

Everywhere you look, you are reminded you are a pariah, that you have failed to even dampen life’s litmus test of happiness.

Not a pariah, Liz. You are very much needed. You are the saviour of Christmas, the refusnik at the dinner table. Lay a spare plate for Liz Jones and give thanks that she not among you. Says Liz:

I have 17 cats, all of whom worship at the altar of St Michael, my sheepdog. There will be sheep nestled like something from a nativity play, horses breathing steam with icicles in their manes.

Good Lourdes: Ingrid Betancourt And Liz Jones

And a huge thank card from the country that you, Liz Jones, exist to bring a sense of relief and warmth to everyone else. Cheer up mum and dads. Put another grandparent on the fire, kids. Liz Jones is not you and you are not with Jones.

Amen to that.

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Posted: 22nd, December 2009 | In: Reviews Comments (3) | TrackBack | Permalink