Anorak News | X Factor 2010 Live Blog Week 2: Cher Lloyd’s Lost Ark And Matt Cardle Is Not Bald

X Factor 2010 Live Blog Week 2: Cher Lloyd’s Lost Ark And Matt Cardle Is Not Bald

by | 16th, October 2010

X FACTOR Live Blog 2010: Week 2. Can Cheryl Cole continue to speak and further explain why Ashley Cole cheated (allegedly)? Will Cher Lloyd move on from her role in Raiders of the Lost Ark as that monkey on a string? Will Aiden wake up in a hospital bed on Holby City or mate with a warbler? Watch and wonder:

Matt Cardle. Aka Matt Cuddle. Not bald! His cap comes off and he has a full set of curls. He sings like the sad bit in an American teen TV series: when Debbie Joe gets chucked by Sean and Brandon Lee comes over to say “sorry” and her mum sits in car with a pistol and she turns on the radio and blows her brains out…

Read: How The X Factor And Sony BMG Fixed It For Katie Waissel, aka Katie Vogel.

Mary Bryne belts out a Dusty Springfield like the human Tannoy she is. No wonder Wagner fancies her. Imagine them at it. Go on, imagine it. Dream about it. Then try to stop imagining it. You can’t can you. Although if you can dream up Simon Cowell sat by the soap boxes in aisle 9 saying they are really fantastic, you might feel part of the gang. Renee and Renata are reprised.

Belle Amie. David Belle Amie? Craig Belle Amie? Simon Cowell says they are really good. Yep, that crappy Pepsi and Shirley tribute act for people with double vision – and put together by Simon Cowell – is something that Simon Cowell thinks is great. They are a shoo-in for the TenaLady gig.

Katie Waissel is ok. She has a decent voice. She signs a jazzy number in smoky tones. She is smoked jazz. And what screams pop star more than that?

Wagner is Robert Downey Junior in Britney Spears’ rehab dreams. His version of Help Yourself by Tom Jones is bang on the money. The exposed chest, snake hips and superannuated hair is like watching Tom Jones after he’s got the joke.

Aiden. Has he been on Emmerdale? Hollyoaks? He has one of this faces that you’ve seen over and over and over on the telly but can’t place. Why is he not yet a tabloid hate figure?

READ: The X Factor 2010: Where You’ve Seen The Fix Factor Finalists Before

Rebecca Ferguson does Feeling Good and is good enough to go through. Nice singing voice. Easy on the eye. Speaking voice that grates. Stick to singing.

Diva Fever sing Barbra Streisand. ‘nuff said.

John Adeleye is dull. John Yodelele would be better.

Cher Lloyd. Cher is short for Cheryl. Fact. Cheryl says: “You look like a pop star, you sound like a pop star.” Translate: you’re a bit like ME!

One Direction still have neat bouncy hair. Does it have Cheryl Cole’s mojo? Simon says the band he cobbled together from Justin Bieber’s offcuts is “the most exciting pop band in the country today“. Everyone in the city thinks they’re shit.

Paije. Mr nostalgia. What happened to MC Hammer? Luther Vandross? Shalamar. Loadsa Money..?

Treyc. Loves. Prince. He. Is. Her. Hero. So, she sings Purple Rain, the song anyone who has heard of Prince associates with him and his fans will have heard to death.

Storm says, “I don’t think Bono is distracting”. If he said he thinks Bono is an utter knob, we might have warmed to him. Storm is the hairdresser who has worked with all the greats but never been one.
Storm also says: “When I sing something changes in the room.” The air freshens and Storm has lots of space to move about in.

Storm is doomed.

Read: How The X Factor And Sony BMG Fixed It For Katie Waissel, aka Katie Vogel.

Posted: 16th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink