Anorak News | Catholic church set up hotline for possessions and Pope goes on Twitter

Catholic church set up hotline for possessions and Pope goes on Twitter

by | 3rd, December 2012

FINALLY, the Roman Catholic Church is getting all modern on us! Have they relaxed their views on contraception and homosexuals? Don’t be ridiculous. They are, however, embracing technology, so it won’t be long ’til we see The Pope throwing out his red Papal shoes and investing in some Dalai Lama Air Max or something.

In the same week Pope Benny has set up a Twitter account, the Catholic Church has also set up a helpline in response to increases in people contacting them about demonic possessions in Milan.

No, seriously.

As a precaution, church honchos have doubled the number of exorcists available in the city, with chief exorcist Mons Angelo Mascheroni (yes, that name is ‘mons’) said: “We receive a lot of requests for names, addresses and phone numbers. That’s why we have set up a switchboard in our [offices].”

This will, of course, look exactly like the switchboard of nuns as seen in Father Ted. We can only hope the exorcisms themselves resemble those performed in Leslie Neilsen’s ‘Repossessed’ rather than those seen in The Exorcist.

Mons Mascheroni (still funny) said one priest had been inundated, seeing as many as 120 people a day, adding: “Genuinely diabolical cases [of possession] are, in my experience, very rare.”

Just mild possessions then. The kind you can wank out like cramp.

Photo: Second from left, Vatican Newspaper Editor in Chief Giovanni Maria Vian, Monsignor Paul Tighe, Monsignor Claudio Celli, Vatican spokesman Father Federico Lombardi, left, and Vatican’s communications adviser Greg Burke present Pope Benedict XVI’s Twitter webpage to journalists at the Vatican press hall, Monday, Dec. 3, 2012. Pope Benedict XVI will start tweeting in six languages from his own personal handle (at)Pontifex on Dec. 12. The Vatican said Monday the pope will be using a question and answer format in his first Tweet, focusing on answering questions about faith — in 140 characters. (AP Photo/Gregorio Borgia)

Posted: 3rd, December 2012 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink