Anorak News | Picky Portsmouth eater finds hairy lump in her mum’s lasagna

Picky Portsmouth eater finds hairy lump in her mum’s lasagna

by | 8th, March 2013

Hairy meet

TO Portsmouth, where Shani Stock has found “a grisly hairy lump” in her mum’s lasagna. No, not the lodger. This was a lump of substance in the dish mum Trudy made using a £3 bag of frozen mince from Iceland.

The Portsmouth News reports:

Mum Trudy, 29, of Grove Road in Elson, Gosport is concerned as her daughter, already a fussy eater, now refuses to eat much else apart from crisps and picks through any meals she does agree to eat.

(Let us not cast aspersions casually, dear reader. But would it not be an idea for the seven-year-old picky eater to discover all sorts of bits and stuff in her dinners?)

Shani has, reportedly, suffered nightmares over the furry divot in her food. She said:

“I felt sick when I saw it – I can’t eat my dinner properly now.”

The News that tells us that Iceland has “investigated” and sent £30 of vouchers for Trudy. Sadly, these are not redeemable at iTunes, but at Iceland stores. Might the gift be an admittance of culpability?

Says Trudy:

“I thought it was a spider – the way it was in the mince. It wasn’t until my auntie wiped it off that we saw it properly. It’s completely traumatised her now, if it was me I wouldn’t be bothered so much.”

Indeed, Many things taste better than they look. Take the cow. The large, menacing pooing machine tastes suprisingly delicious when sliced and fried with onions. And what of the pre-battered cod?

The sad thing is that the hairy item has been chucked away by staff at Iceland. Staff at the store disposed of it and did not send it away to be tested.What was it? Says Trudy:

“I buy frozen mince as my daughter doesn’t like fresh for some reason. Now she won’t eat any mince at all.”

And the problem is clear: foreign influences. Mince beef was once a great British foodstuff most often served in a dish with bits of carrot. An Army marched on it. Churchill took it like snuff. Then became disguised in Greek moussaka, American burgers, Tex-Max abominations and lasagna.

Mum Trudy needs to get back to basics. Give Shani a plate of minced beaf and carrots. And if she craves the exotic, let her eat it with chopsticks…

Posted: 8th, March 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer Comment | TrackBack | Permalink