Anorak News | Nigella Lawson choke: celebrity police force probe the ‘Expoder in the bag’ mystery

Nigella Lawson choke: celebrity police force probe the ‘Expoder in the bag’ mystery

by | 17th, June 2013

THE CELEBRITY Police Force has been summoned to hang out with Nigella Lawson and her husband Charles Saatchi. Yesterday’s pictures of Saatchi with his hand about the TV cook’s have led to CPF action. The Mirror, which broke the story, thunders from its front page:

“Police Probe Nigella Choke Attack”


“Scotland Yard was last night trying to establish the facts…”

We learn that after the fracas Nigella “left the couple’s London home with a suitcase”.

Was Charles’s body inside it? Or was the fact that Nigella was accompanied by her 17-year-old son, Bruno, and it’s summer – time of school trips and holidays – relevant?

nigella throat

The Metro says the suitcase is a sign that Nigelle has moved out of the marital home. She was driven away in a “blue taxi”.

The Metro’s facts come thick and fast.

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The Independent leads with ” Police probe Nigella photos”

The not the incident that matters, it’s the photos of it. Maybe the stars can sing them for the boys back at the station? The Indy leads with a photo of a hand placed over Nigella’s mouth.The paper adds “Met examine cock”. To see if it’s up to police standards?

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The Telegraph leads with “The momnent Saatchi had his hand around Nigella’s throat”.

The story of Charles and Lawson wold be weak on the celebrity angle.

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In the Sun, Saatchi is reduced further. He’s is:

“Nigella’s husband in throat grab quiz”

By Page 5 he is a nickname:

“Nigella Grabbed By The ‘Exploder'”


Over pages 1, 4 and 5, the Mail refers to it all as:


We lean that “Scotland Yard has begun an inquiry“. Wow. An entire inquiry, like Lord Leveson had.


The Express lead with “Nigella’s tears”.

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The Mail does tells us that after the apparent horror, Nigella kissed Charles on the cheek.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 17th, June 2013 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink