Anorak News | A-Level disasters: Gavin Williamson’s enema sees education secretary buried in a matchbox

A-Level disasters: Gavin Williamson’s enema sees education secretary buried in a matchbox

by | 13th, August 2020

“Increasing the A Level grades will mean a whole generation could end up promoted beyond their abilities” – Gavin Williamson

Gavin Williamson

Gavin Williamson is a politician so shallow he could drown in his own spit. To paraphrase Christopher Hitchens, if they gave the Tory MP Conservative Member of Parliament for South Staffordshire and Education Secretary an enema, you could bury his remains in a matchbox. Today Williamson has been declaring his pride in the youth whose exams he fudged and failed, and the teachers he patronised and ignored. The A-levels results are in and are too many are a travesty.

Students predicted As and Bs have been given Cs and Ds. According to Williamson and his enablers, the data does not lie. Graphs and trends are more important than individuals and teacher assessments.

Maybe this will be the moment when things change, a stark awakening to the hopelessness of industrialised higher education. Get your A-levels, kids, and you too can be a dullard. Work hard and you too can get into heavy debt at university.

Is this the day when the kinder who’ve been sat on the education travelator since they could first hold crayons in their fists realise it’s time to get a life? Those A-levels… they might not be worth anything. Hard cheese, you teenagers, who instead of copping off, copping out, chasing endorphins and finding new ways to get off your faces worked head down on your A-levels, those exams that open the portals to university but in themselves are worthless. Hard cheese that you became anxious about the big tests, developing a psychosis and eating disorder, fearful of not reaching the promised land of three or four years more education, that rosy-fingered dawn of part-time jobs and more books. Hard cheese on parents who bought into the higher education mis-selling and thought youth was wasted on fun and adventure. Oh, to live the dream of spending the carefree, fanciable years accumulating debt and text books, staying in school until you’re into your 20s and emerging in a state of shock at how the system has sucked your life away and ended so many dreams and opportunities.

Screw higher education. Don’t resit and buy into their dream of creating debt products from cheeky, cock-sure youth. They’ve not been bothered to educate you for five months. They won’t start now. Get off the sausage factory conveyer belt. Have fun and learn from experience while you can. A-levels are useless. A stranger in a home office can give you a grade based on guessing and graphs designed by a computer model. Your result is worthless. Tell them you know. You’ve seen the truth. Do not agree to play any more. And watch their world crumble.

But you took the A-levels and now you want that validation the exam-based system promised. You want to know that two years of your youth have not been wasted.

Government and politicians who push the scheme owe students an apology. They owe teenagers the grades that are rightfully theirs. The exam boards ask for extenuating circumstances. Every students has experienced them. The whole year has been an extenuating circumstance. We do not care if a student who might have got a B in Textiles any other year gets an A this year. Give them all their predictive grades. Stop making them live with a lie. And then prick the higher education bubble. It’s wetter than Williamson’s bathtub and, like him, contains nothing but air and emptiness.

Posted: 13th, August 2020 | In: News Comment | TrackBack | Permalink