Peta’s Ingrid Newkirk Barbecues Her Dead Thumb Up Michael Schumacher’s Arse
THE will of Ingrid Newkirk, president of PETA - the people who put the words in the horse’s mouth - says her body should be used “in a manner that draws attention to needless animal suffering and exploitation.”
Ingrid Newkirk will be covered in aspic, tied to a small train-like contraption and sent around the now, sadly, emptied Walthamstow greyhound track forever, or until Michael Schumacher catches her.
Says Ingrid:
a. That the “meat” of my body, or a portion thereof, be used for a human barbecue, to remind the world that the meat of a corpse is all flesh, regardless of whether it comes from a human being or another animal, and that flesh foods are not needed.
As vital in death as she was in life.
b. That my skin, or a portion thereof, be removed and made into leather products, such as purses, to remind the world that human skin and the skin of other animals is the same and that neither is “fabric” nor needed.
See Donatella Versace.
c. my feet be removed and umbrella stands or other ornamentation be made from them, as a reminder of the depravity of killing innocent animals, such as elephants, in order that we might use their body parts for household items and decorations;
Do no barbecue first.
d. That one of my eyes be removed, mounted, and delivered to the administrator of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency as a reminder that PETA will continue to be watching the agency until it stops poisoning and torturing animals.
Mounted on a stick. And sucked.
e. That my pointing finger be delivered to Kenneth Feld, owner of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, or to a circus museum to stand as the “Greatest Accusation on Earth” on behalf of the countless elephants, lions, tigers, bears, and other animals who have been kidnapped from their families and removed from their homelands
With or without arse attached?
f. That my liver be vacuum-packed and shipped, in whole or in part, to France, to there be used in a public appeal to persuade shoppers not to support the vile practice of force-feeding geese and ducks for foie gras.
Would the French eat Americans? What about if they were covered in cheese? Stuffed?
g. That one of my ears be removed, mounted, and sent to the Canadian Parliament to assist them in hearing, for the first time perhaps, the screams of the seals, bears, raccoons, foxes, and minks bludgeoned, trapped, and sometimes skinned alive for their pelts.
Hairy ears.
h. That one of my thumbs be removed, mounted upwards on a plaque, and sent to the person or institution that, in the year of my death or thereabouts, PETA decides has done the most to promote alternatives to the use and abuse of animals in any area of their exploitation.
Thumbs up.
i. That one of my thumbs be mounted in a downward position and sent to the person or institution that, in the year of my death or thereabouts, has gone against the changing tide of societal opinion and frightened and hurt animals in some egregious manner.
Thumbs down.
j. That a little part of my heart be buried near the racetrack at Hockenheim, preferably near the Ferrari pits, where Michael Shumacher raced in and won the German Grand Prix
British motor racing fans, agree.
And you thought Peta was useless.
Posted: 23rd, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True Comments (16) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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March 4th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
She’s mentioned every body part except one.. who will get her “nether regions”?
Maybe she can donate them to the Smithsonian Institute’s “I Wouldn’t Touch That Snag With A 10 Foot Pole” museum.
February 27th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Yes they do, its a matter of choice.
Apple sauce or mustard?
February 27th, 2009 at 11:42 am
I can tell you that we taste of pork.
In what used to called the Cannibal Isles, human flesh is known as ‘Long Pig’ to distinguish it from it’s more domesticated source of protein.
It’s long been believed that the Moslems and Jews do not eat pork for that very reason. No chance then after 40 years in the wilderness of someone slipping you a mess of potage containing Grandma. The Buddhists of course eat no meat. Who knows what horrible events in the past may have prompted this.
February 27th, 2009 at 11:12 am
so when do we get to eat her? because ive always wondered what human flesh tastes like, and if i can do it legally, it will save me a big hassle
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Anorka, meanest thou ‘Why so?’
PETA is the only ‘animal welfare’ society to remain conspicuously silent whenever a few hundred thousand birds, fish, cute furry seals, etc get the chop from an oil disaster; unsurprisingly since they are staunch supporters of the petro-chemical industry which provides the synthetic fabrics they tout as animal-friendly, and Ingrid Newkirk is a self-proclaimed addict to cars in general and Formula 1 racing in particular:
‘”It’s sex,” she said. “The first time you hear them rev their engines, my God! That noise goes straight up my spine. It’s so electrifyingly glorious.”
Presumably the ghosts of all those dead animals must really, really wish she had discovered vibrators instead…
February 23rd, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Chenier - what so?
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:54 pm
……the woman is indeed a nutter, but a nutter who shills for the petrochemical industry…
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:18 pm
I would eat her.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:38 pm
[...] does she smell of? All have been hand picked for the most beautiful, and best quality hides. This is a california king [...]
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:38 pm
I dunno, the smell of hot Castrol is something else….
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:30 pm
..the woman’s a nutter….
February 23rd, 2009 at 2:51 pm
I wish I was orderly - mind you you are making me feel guilty so I’ll hurl some insults in the good ole Anorakian way about being a uptight control freak, and you can get yer own back about domestic slatterns
February 23rd, 2009 at 2:35 pm
No need of a clear out June. One place for everything and everything in its place.
Shedi we, born free!
February 23rd, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Actually, I myself look forward to Ingrid setting herself on fire to protest the appalling damage to wildlife caused by the petro-chemical industry in general, and oil spills in particular; a suitable spot would be the Formula 1 racing that she attends on a regular basis.
Admittedly it wouldn’t leave much left over in the way of remains to parcel out, but it would guarantee massive media coverage that would be the single most effective protest that PETA has ever mounted…
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Lots of mentions of your shed this a.m Yampster….had a clear out over the w/e?
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:35 am
I’ve just had a quick glim at her on google images. I could use that conk of hers to wedge my shed door open on windy days, where do I apply?