Amanda Platell’s Odious Open Letter To Soon Dead Kate Middleton
No, not a celebrity divorcee with a love of shopping and holidays. Amanda tells us that Kate must not be “fretful” on her weeding day. Although the “stress must be immense“. Kate do try not to think of the “millions around the world” watching your every move.
And Amanda is worried. She tells us that dear, dear, dearest, Kate is already “alarmingly thin”, a bit like the “dangerously thin” Diana was on her wedding day:
“That was the beginning of her disastrous battle with bulimia.”
Still, Kate, dear, dear, Kate, do not fret. Amanda “prays to God” that you do “not succumb to the same pressures” as dear, dear dead Diana.
So says say Amanda Platell over two pages of cheery pros. Adding:
“I do not believe you are suffering from any kind of eating disorder.”
But rest assured, dear Kate, that Amanda is watching your weight. And if you do much as cough up a pear drop, she will be on it, literally.
“Yet the pictures of you on Tuesday were alarming, Kate…”
Middleton was in Northern Ireland. She looked pretty good. You can see the photos below in our gallery.
“But those legs are worryingly thin… As part of your wedding preparation I hear you’ve taken to training at Diana’s favourite gym… losing weight can become addictive.”
And finally, dear Kate:
“The Palace must allow you to blossom in your own time. Otherwise there will be nothing left of you. Quite literally.”
Ladies and gentlemen, that was the death of Kate Middleton, as forewarned by caring Amanda Platell…