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Anorak | The night Mario Balotelli made a drink of his urine

The night Mario Balotelli made a drink of his urine

by | 30th, April 2012

MORE on Mario Balotelli, the unmarried Manchester City striker who allegedly shagged Chloe Evans . Having said Balotelli was crap in bed (maybe it was you, Chloe?), the kiss ‘n’ teller is reported telling the Sun about the “crazy lifestyle of soccer badboy Mario Balotelli”.

The soccer badboy is a talented 21-year-old finding his feet working and living in a foreign country. Balotelli has embraced the prevailing culture by shagging tabloid-friendly English birds and allowing his bathroom to be the venue for a Bonfire Night do. The fire brigade was called and Balotelli’s friends (because it was them really it was) would to well to read the full firework code, especially the bit about returning to a smouldering toilet roll. But, still, for the Italian Catholic import to be celebrating the death of the Papist Gunpowder Plot is admirable.

Balotelli did say that Manchester “is not to my tastes”. But no great hurt in that. Most Manchester United fans who only ever see the city’s wide open green spaces and ordered seating on the telly agree. And he can always commute from London or Abu Dhabi.

It’s our position that Mario Balotelli is a good boy?

But back in the Sun , Balotelli is a “love rat” who was “cheating on his girlfriend [ Raffaella Fico] with a pretty blonde”. We don’t know if Balotelli is cheating because he and Fico have yet to speak. The illiberal  Sun just makes the allegation and the judgement.

But, at least Evans is pretty and blonde. If the lover were ginger or in her 30s, then Mario really would be bonkers.

Gorgeous Chloe Evans recalled: “Being with him was like being in a circus — and I was his favourite clown.”

We’re not sure if pneumatic Chloe can see her feet, nor if Jimmy Choo does a size 56 boot. Says Chloe, who did a bracelet (she values at £15k) and two dogs, (she values at £850 each). Says Chloe and what price her testimony?

“Imagine a cross between Willy Wonka, Michael Jackson and Peter Pan — and you’ve got Mario Balotelli.”

Let’s imagine. And then let’s imagine having sex with this showbiz chimera. We see Chloe covered in melted KitKats, while Mario talks about fairies in a high-pitched voice. Still, whatever turns you on, Chloe:

“There’s nobody else like him in the whole world.”

Well, Jackson is

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Posted: 30th, April 2012 | In: Key Posts, Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink