Anorak | Pump it up! David Cameron will never be a politician

Pump it up! David Cameron will never be a politician

by | 29th, April 2015



Pump it up! Cameron comes out fighting

Has there ever been a worse speech than David Cameron’s ridiculous address to an audience of lucky businessmen in London?

Perhaps he has been experimenting with drugs.

Perhaps he is going through a mid-life crisis.

Perhaps he’s trying to emulate Tim Sherwood, the passionate, thrusting young manager of his beloved Aston Villa.

Whatever the reason, Dave’s excitable performance was bizarre, to say the least.

When the Tory supremo went (in his own words) ‘off piste’ with his West Ham faux pas, it was surely a cue for his carers to rein him in before his next public exhibition.

Not a bit of it! This was Dave with the gloves off.

Commentators had alluded to the possibility of his having a ‘John Major soapbox moment’ during the campaign, but surely nobody thought he would take the hint so literally.

Yet there he was, literally standing on a box, with his jacket off and a look of proud defiance on his face.

Things were about to get ‘bloody lively’, in the PM’s own salty phrase, shortly to be unveiled during this businesstastic tour de force.

‘If I’m getting lively about it, it’s because I feel bloody lively,’ he announced defiantly.

Loins stirred in pinstriped suits.

Businesswomen moaned with delight.

Asthmatics reached for their inhalers.

Aston Villa fans punched the air with delight.

Chimney sweeps doffed their caps and did jigs of joy.

‘We have got a fight on our hands and I am going to win that fight. It’s a battle for the backbone of Britain, that’s what this election is about.’

‘WHOAH! HELL YEAH!’ we roared.

Then we stopped.

Hang on. What does that mean, precisely? That Britain is about to lose its backbone? That Dave doesn’t have a backbone, and wants to use Britain’s?

But this is no time for questions, for Dave is in full flow now…

‘Some people think stability and security are boring. I don’t. If you want risk, if you want to take a punt, go with the other guy.’

Hold on, what’s this? You’re saying that you are Timid Dave, and Ed is the guy with balls who takes a punt?

But aren’t entrepreneurs and small businessmen supposed to have balls and take the risks, and earn their rightful rewards? Isn’t that the basic Tory philosophy?


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Posted: 29th, April 2015 | In: Key Posts, Politicians Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink