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The Blessed Hamstring: Manchester United’s Phil Jones gets spiritual to cure what ails him

INJURY-PRONE players are unfortunate. It isn’t their fault that their bodies betray them and stop them from doing their high-performance job. If a Formula One car has a misfiring engine, everyone understands because the car is in perfect balance to go really fast. When a football hurts his toe in the super-masculine world of professional football, he’s expected to shrug it off or be labelled a weakling.

Everyone remembers the various jokes about the winger of yore, Darren Anderton, who would be out for a fortnight with a broken eyelash and the like.

These days, we’ve got Manchester United’s Phil Jones.

He’s made only 5 appearances since Louis van Gaal took over at Old Trafford and, in his three seasons at Manchester United, he’s suffered 12 separate injuries, including the almost quaint complaint of shin splints.

Jones says: “I could stand here and list 10 players who are always out injured. That is just the nature of football. People don’t wake up one morning and say: ‘I fancy being injured today.’

So now, he’s focusing on getting fit and staying fit. What’s he doing about it? He’s gone toward something a little more spiritual: “It is strength work on the reformer, yoga and pilates and loads of stuff. I will do anything I can to improve myself and hopefully that will stand me in good stead for the rest of the season. Hopefully I can stay fit, look after myself in games and make sure I stay fit.”

While most people hit the gym and lift, bro Jones is going to stretch his legs, work on his core and get all that negative chi out of his legs like he’s football’s most famous Buddhist, Roberto Baggio.

And while Baggio was dubbed Il Divin Codino (translates as ‘The Divine Ponytail’), our Phil can now call himself The Blessed Hamstring, as he finds inner peace on his yoga mat, letting the troubles of Premier League football melt away to his wind-chimes tape, reinforcing the Manchester United team with his powerful chakras.

Now Manchester United have a guru in the ranks, can they win the title against all odds, thanks to Swami Jones?

Posted: 17th, December 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment


Hit or Bust: A Look At Pop Stars Immortalised In Statues

IT has been announced that a brass sculpture of Amy Winehouse is to be installed at Camden market, London.

The memorial has been designed by Scott Eaton and will be erected at the Stables market, not too far away from where the singer died so depressingly young in July 2011.

Amy’s father Mitch said he was happy about the new lifesize memorial, and that it will divert people away from paying tribute at her old house, which has “bad memories for everyone”.

“It’s a great honour to have the statue in the Stables. Amy was an integral part of Camden and still is, so you couldn’t really think of putting a statue for her anywhere else, could you really?” he told The Guardian.

Of course, Amy isn’t the first pop star to be graced with a statue in her honour. And if history tells us anything, it is that some memorial statues are better than others.

Let us look at some of the best and worst.

 

Phil Lynott

Thin Lizzy’s Phil Lynott might not be the most famous musician in the world, but something of a working class hero, it is great that he was immortalised in statue form on Harry Street in Dublin. Sadly, the statue itself kinda sucks.

 

Phil-Lynott-statue

The Beatles

The Fab Four have a load of statues, but the ones in Houston are the best. Stylised and imposing, these giant Beatles were erected and, just to further the Paul Is Dead rumours, the Paul statue fell over after being blown at by some wind.

the beatles statue

Michael Jackson

There’s a touching statue of MJ in a favela in Rio, but we’re not interested in that. We’re more into the ghastly effigy erected by Fulham FC outside their ground. An embarrassment to a lot of fans and the cause of much mirth elsewhere.

Michael-Jackson-Statue

Billy Fury

At the Albert Docks in Liverpool, there’s a great statue of British rock ‘n’ roll’s finest, Billy Fury. Of course, a lot of people walk past it and assume it is Elvis, but there you go.

Statue_of_Billy_Fury

Otis Redding

One of the greatest voices to ever leap out of a human throat, Otis Redding passed away too young, just days after recording ‘(Sitting On The) Dock Of The Bay’. His sculpture sits in Gateway Park in Macon, Georgia. Here he is, being manhandled by a grinning white guy.

otis redding statue

Jimi Hendrix

Jimi’s sculpture was unveiled in ’97 on Broadway Avenue in the Capital Hill/Broadway area of Hendrix’ hometown of Seattle. Sadly for Hendrix, they stuck him next to the road and had him grimacing at traffic.

hendrix statue

Dolly Parton

In Sevierville, Tennessee, there’s a statue of a barefoot, young Dolly Parton with a guitar which is sometimes rubbed for good luck by locals and tourists. Dolly grew up in Sevierville. It is a reasonably nice statue of her, it has to be said.

seiverville-dolly-statue-crop

James Brown

The plaque on this statue of James Brown says: “Singer, songwriter and one-of-a-kind performer” and overlooks James Brown Plaza on Broad Street in Augusta, Ga. The person who made the statue, it seems, put a million teeth in The Godfather of Soul’s mouth. He looks a bit like a Critter.

james_brown_statue

Johnny Ramone

The Ramones guitarist probably has the best statue in rock’s history, looking moody and cool while standing by the lake at Hollywood Forever Cemetery in Los Angeles. His ashes are in the base of his statue, which is near the grave of bandmate Dee Dee Ramone. The Ramones – even cool in death.

Johnny_Ramone_-_Hollywood_Forever_Cemetery_1

Kurt Cobain

Aberdeen Washington decided to pay tribute to their iconic son who fronted Nirvana and, regrettably killed himself. However, you have to assume that, having seen the tribute, Cobain may actually prefer to be pushing up daisies.

Kurt-Cobain-statue

Posted: 21st, August 2014 | In: Music | Comment


6 Weird And Fabulous Items Of Band Merchandise

TODAY, the world’s press heard about Britney Spears launching a new lingerie line, which just so happens to be called The Intimate Collection.

She announced this by posting a picture of her herself wearing the new range on Instagram. And she looked perfectly lovely in it.

Britter’s range will hit the shelves Stateside on September 9th and Europeans will either have to learn how to use the internet to buy things from abroad, or wait a few days and buy in European shops on September 26th.

That’s not the story though. It got us thinking about band merchandise – not everyone can be classy enough to release a range of tasteful undercrackers.

Most bands don’t veer too far away from t-shirts and mugs, but some go a bit mental. Tenacious D had a specially designated cum-rag fercryinoutloud.

So with that, shall we have a look at some of the weirdest (and therefore best) bits of band merch ever? Feel free to add you own in the comments.

 

 

Rammstein Dildo Box

Rammstein released a box-set with a load of dildos in it and, of course, they decided to base the sex toys on their own junk. That’s nice isn’t it?

rammsteindildobox

 

 

Prodigy Toilet Cover Seat

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Posted: 24th, July 2014 | In: Key Posts, Music, The Consumer | Comment


Listen To Scott Bradlee’s Greatet Hits: Pop Juggler And Coming To The UK

scott bradleeYOU may not know the name Scott Bradlee, but you’ll definitely know the songs he performs. That’s because you’ve probably seen his Postmodern Jukebox getting The Hits Of Today! and screwing them into the ground, kicking them around a little and uprooting and rearranging them as jazz standards, boozy ragtime belters and a whole load more.

Every so often, one of Bradlee’s videos goes viral, and everyone feverishly shares them without thinking of the people behind them.

Irish version of ‘Get Lucky’ for Saint Patrick’s Day? Scott Bradlee and his Postmodern Jukebox? Smooth covers of the Game of Thrones theme? You guessed it.

So, with that, we’ve collected some of his most fun reworkings (there are more) which somehow… and don’t ask us how he’s managed it… aren’t like those other twee cover version that deeply grate on every level. Bradlee’s takes aren’t judging modern pop and say it’s bad, but rather, screwing around with them and having some fun.

Good news for people outside of America is that he’s taking the Postmodern Jukebox on tour and, yes, he will be in the UK. Check out the tour dates here and watch the videos below. There’s a million more on YouTube as well.

 

Duck Tales… the ’90s R&B slow jam version

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Posted: 6th, May 2014 | In: Music | Comment


Jay Z Invites 12 Year Old On-Stage And Invites Him To His Clique

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THERE’S no hiding it – Jay Z is not nearly the artist he once was. However, what he’s given to hip hop is enough for him to coast along forever without having to answer critics.

With that, happily married, wealthy and a new father, it seems Hova has mellowed and, at a show, he made a 12 year old boy’s dream come true by inviting him on-stage.

While performing in his ‘Magna Carter World Tour’ over the weekend in Greensboro, N.C., Jay noticed a young fan holding up a sign in the audience which said “Can I rap for you?”

And lo, it came to pass.

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Posted: 8th, January 2014 | In: Reviews | Comment


‘Snuggle House’ Gets Closed Because Everyone Thought It Was Filled With Prostitutes

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HAVE you heard of the unique business is Wisconsin called Snuggle House? Chances are, you haven’t. The idea behind the place was to offer snuggles to anyone who wanted one. For £37 an hour. You could have a little intimacy and get your hair stroked and then be on your way.

That’s slightly odd, but kinda nice, right?

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Posted: 12th, December 2013 | In: Money, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


Brits Are Most Adventurous Lovers, Says Sex Survey

sex uk

THINK of some sexy people. The Swedes – they’re notoriously comfortable with their bodies, if soft pornography taught us anything. The Germans too. Seen how small their Speedos get? Or maybe some South American country is the sexiest? They’re all passionate and live in a perpetual state of shouting and arousal.

Well, thanks to a sex survey, we now know that the most adventurous when it comes to sex, the British have it. Presumably thanks to years of suppressing our feeling and dire weather, we’ve realised that every day can be a carnival in the sack.

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Posted: 26th, November 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


You Can Now Buy Back To The Future Style Hoverboards

hoverboard copy

PEOPLE have long moaned that, now we live in the future, where are our hoverboards? Well, glad you asked because some bright spark has decided to do something about it!

ZBoard have been inspired by the hoverboard in Back to the Future and manufactured a hi-tech weight sensing electric skateboard, which has the same design as the board Marty McFly rode.

The limited edition board uses a pressure pad on the front which allows you to move without ever needing to put your feet on the ground and can manage 20 miles of electrically-assisted skateboarding.

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Posted: 1st, November 2013 | In: Film, The Consumer | Comment


New RoboCop trailer released – start wetting yourself with excitement, now!

Michael Keaton, left, Samuel L. Jackson, center, and Joel Kinnaman attend the "RoboCop" panel on Day 3 of Comic-Con International on Friday, July 19, 2103 in San Diego.. (Photo by Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP)

THE original RoboCop movie was a tense, bleak affair and any notion of remaking it was going to set everyone’s phasers to ‘uh-oh’. With that, the release of the trailer for the new movie will inevitably swing people either way.

Of course, there’ll be haters… but they’re wrong. That’s because the new RoboCop looks ACE!

Joel Kinnaman replaces Peter Weller as Murphy, who goes from Injured Cop to Super Cool Robot Cop.

There’s a fun cast too, including Samuel L. Jackson (of course), Gary Oldman and Michael Keaton (welcome back!), plus Abby Cornish as Murphy’s wife.

The new trailer shows loads of things getting shot, blown up and punched, which is all well and good, but the best bit is when Michael Keaton basically says ‘let’s make him look more bad-ass by making RoboCop’s suit black’.

There’s also a lovely ‘who is in control of the technology? The machine or man?’ which we’ll no doubt be able to read into, concerning our own technological habits… but mainly, it looks like it’ll be a hoot with loads of fighting and a cool baddie.

RoboCop should be released on Feb. 7, 2014. Here’s the trailer.

Photo :Michael Keaton, left, Samuel L. Jackson, center, and Joel Kinnaman attend the “RoboCop” panel on Day 3 of Comic-Con International on Friday, July 19, 2103 in San Diego.. (Photo by Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP)

Posted: 9th, September 2013 | In: Film | Comment


Toddler wishes for ‘big boobies’ – blame mother and video games

baby boobs

KIDS say the darnedest things don’t they? Well, one girl will make you coo/vomit when you see her at her birthday party (which doesn’t look great if we’re being honest here) making a wish!

After the birthday girl blows out the candles on her cake, she wishes for “big boobies”.

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Posted: 27th, June 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Magician turns dollar bills into hundreds for the homeless

SNEER all you want, but now and then, it is great to put a little sunshine in that grey brain of yours. Mocking celebrities, laughing at misfortune and all that is great fun for those of us who enjoy gallows humour, but sometimes, we need to get gooey and break out a huge, wet grin.

The person who will be responsible for that today is a nice magician who used his powers to help out some destitute folks in need of a pick-me-up.

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Posted: 18th, June 2013 | In: Money, Reviews | Comment


Couple caught having sex on Street View (5 of the Best)

street-view-1

A COUPLE have been caught on Google Street View, doing the sex outdoors while the Google car drove by.

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Posted: 11th, April 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (2)


Golfer Sergio Garcia climbs tree for a one-handed shot from a branch!

sergio garcia

GOLF is strange sport which pits man against a small hole and a lot of weather. It provoked King George V to spit “golf always makes me so damned angry!” Ace golfer Sergio Garcia said: “Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.”

And it was Sergio that created a little sporting miracle all of his own while competing in the 2013 Arnold Palmer Invitational in Orlando, Florida.

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Posted: 26th, March 2013 | In: Sports | Comment


Instructions on how to get a girl’s phone number, guaranteed (*video)

tumblr_lfi2ofnBRU1qz8z6ao1_500 (1)

LOOK at you. Just sat there, all on your own thinking about the beige food you’ll horse into yourself before you slope away and fumble around in your grotty undercrackers, dreaming of attractive humans.

It doesn’t have to be like that though. You could be out there, getting the phone numbers of attractive women before embarking on a glorious, lusty voyage.

All you have to do is not speak.

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Posted: 20th, March 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


The greatest rope-swing in the whole world (Video)

EXAGGERATION is key when telling people about the rope-swings of your youth. Of course, some of us did indeed have perilous fun on ropey death-traps, with a variety of injury stories and hilarious swearing that results from landing on your genitals after an aged, withered branch snaps.

However, some people don’t need to hype things up at all. That’s because some people jump off cliffs.

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Posted: 4th, March 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Man Makes Chomping Pacman Costume!

WITH Halloween imminent, you may be thinking of making your own costume. This writer once made himself a living cress-head to look like some kind of genetic disaster.

While forever pleased with that, that’s not a patch on this giganto chomping Pacman outfit.

The chap who made the costume has written about it over at MakeProjects, talking about the functioning mouth, matching Ghost outfit and the size of the thing (5 feet tall by 2 feet wide!).

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Posted: 18th, October 2011 | In: Strange But True | Comment