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Lana Del Rey vrs The Guardian: Frances Bean Cobain wins

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YOU may have missed it, because she’s so tragically dull, but Lana Del Rey recently said she was tired of living and basically glamorised singers who had died too young.

She said these words in the Guardian, which she then refuted by saying she was lead-on. The Guardian then published the audio of the conversation, which shows she wasn’t.

And that’s the long and the short of it.

However, saying you want to die; that’s catnip to anyone with a passing interest in outrage. A series of op-eds have appeared and everyone is tying themselves in knots. The real winners are Lana Del Rey’s publicity drive for her new album and The Guardian, who find themselves in a minor ‘NME/Richie Edwards/4REAL‘ scenario.

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Posted: 30th, June 2014 | In: Music | Comment


Lana Del Rey to quit singing! (With any luck)

LANA DEL REY has always seemed disingenuous, bursting onto the scene on daddy’s money and dragging that long face of hers about the place with her vapid, weedy blub-pop. Well, praise be! Seems that she can’t be bothered being a popstar anymore and has revealed plans to branch out into screenwriting!

According to The Sun, Del Rey said:

“When I was first starting, I had a vision of being a writer for film and that’s what I am doing now. I’m so happy. Hopefully I will branch into film work and stay there.”

“What would it say? Everything I wanted to say, I’ve said already… I don’t think I’ll write another record.”

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Posted: 7th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


Naked Lana Del Rey beats off Boris Johnson

THE GQ Men of the Year awards 2012 featured 21 winners. One was a women. Her name: Lana Del Rey. Who appears naked on the post-awards issue? Any guesses…?

PS – Of the other winners, surely a naked Boris Johnson would sell more magazines that pouting Del Ray. (Unless you are one of the many to have seen zippy in the buff already.)

 

Posted: 7th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Lana Del Rey sings in Lindsay Lohan’s mouth – gifs

WHEN Lizzy Grant failed to make it pop, her managers, stylists and money men recreated her as internet sensation Lana Del Rey. And Lana Del Ray is a big star. The stage persona works. And then she sang on Saturday Night Live. And it was like Lizzy Grant had never gone away. She sang. And she danced. Well, less danced than swayed like a lazy eye. And one bight spark set about creating a chronicle of her dance moves. The best are here. And they are brilliant:

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Spotters: nursejackincendiare,chandler-dances-on-t,selinakylesansweringmachine,houseofthedevil,govthookr,

Posted: 10th, May 2012 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment


Guns ‘n’ Roses refused Hall Of Fame by Axl Rose

DESPITE being one of the lousiest rock bands in the history of human ears, Guns ‘n’ Roses had been invited to be part of the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall Of Fame. That’d be the GnFR being invited ahead of proper metal bands who influenced many, like Motorhead, Def Leppard and Iron Maiden. Not some basketball boot wearing, lycra cycling short having, pompous shagsack like Axl Rose preening over pedestrian, noodly pop-metal.

Of course, GNR all hate each other, mainly because Axl Rose is one of the most unpleasant humans on the planet (especially in his plastic-surgery goatee and cornrows years) and Slash, all big and tough, probably still cries himself to sleep when he thinks of the things Rose said to him when the band was falling to pieces.

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Posted: 12th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Lana Del Rey: living on hate and daddy’s hand-outs

HAVE you ever heard a cow giving birth? It’s a horrible, guttural, depressing noise. So to, is the appalling singing voice of Latest Hot Thang, Lana Del Rey, who has based her fledgling career on daddy’s paycheck, giant lips and making songs that take all their inspiration from 13 year old girl’s Tumblr blogs.

And yet, Del Rey has no idea why she has so many ‘haters’. Or, as they were once called ‘perfectly legitimate critics’.

This week, Lana saw Karl Lagerfeld piping up, saying: “Lana Del Rey is not bad at all. In her photos she is beautiful. Is she a construct with all her implants?”

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Posted: 9th, February 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Karl Lagerfeld points out obvious by saying Adele is a bit ‘fat’

PEOPLE in the fashion industry are obsessed with image. That’s their job. So when Karl Lagerfeld, while guest editing for Metro Paris, took it upon himself to note that Adele is a bit fat, he probably knew that womenfolk would go mental at him for being so shallow.

Of course, a good number of those women spat feathers while doused in Chanel perfume and gazing at Chanel clobber in the various image-obsessed magazines they read… but still… DON’T CALL WOMEN FAT! EVEN IF THEY ARE A BIT FAT!

Karl was asked about Lana del Rey, because she’s exactly the kind of trout-gobbed gal that will be snapped up by a fashion house for a gig, later to be snatched by H&M for a ‘celebrity range’. He said:

“I prefer Adele and Florence Welch. But as a modern singer she is not bad. The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice. Lana del Rey is not bad at all. She looks very much like a modern-time singer. In her photos she is beautiful. Is she a construct with all her implants? She’s not alone with implants.”

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Posted: 7th, February 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)