Anorak News | Princess Diana: Fat Is An inquest Issue

Princess Diana: Fat Is An inquest Issue

by | 3rd, October 2007

THE Princess Diana inquest will succeed where the French police, British police and ten years of Daily Express headlines have failed. Here is the news:

DAILY EXPRESS front page: “DIANA INQUEST: Sensational claims on first day. ‘THEY NEED TO GET RID OF ME’”

Readers will discover:

• “Why she feared for her life”
• “She said Queen would quit”

Page 2 and 3: The Express asks: “Do you believe Diana was murdered?” It’s a phone poll. Readers may wait until the inquest is over to call. But many will have already made up their minds. Vote now and vote often

As the coroner tells the jury: “The conclusions of the French inquiry and the Paget, or Stevens report, are neither here nor there, if you take a different view of the facts. And what you make of the evidence is for you and you alone. No one can tell you what to decide”

Oh, yes…

“Coroner raised fears of bias, says Fayed” – Mohamed Al Fayed’s spokesman Michael Cole, he of the whipped hair, says: “Mohammed al Fayed was surprised at the tone and the contents of the opening statement…Mr Al Fayed fears that the opening statement could present an appearance of bias whether or not this was intended”

It’s a fix. Well, it might be…

Pages 4 and 5: “Coroner tells the heartbreaking story of Diana’s final few days”
Lord Justice Scott Baker kicks things off with: “Members of the jury, in the early hours of Sunday August 31 1997 a motor car in which Diana, Princess of Wales, was a passenger crashed into a pillar in the central reservation of the Alma Tunnel Underpass in Paris”

Well, if you say so…

The jurors are sworn in. All 11 pledge to “diligently inquire on behalf of our sovereign lady the Queen into the deaths of Diana, Princess of Wales, and Mr Dodi Fayed”
Is there irony in this pledge?

Pages 6 and 7: “Diana: The Queen will abdicate soon.” That’s what Diana is said to have told her lawyer, the now late Lord Mischon

“Tears, laughter and a disabled permit make history” – The Express’s Paul Callan is at the High Court. In the cheap seats, Callan sees a picture of Diana in a swimsuit flashed on a “cruel screen”. Is she pregnant. If she is, then around 80 per cent of British women are pregnant, including Old Mr Anorak’s dowager mother. Or else they are carrying excess fat?

One potential juror cannot sit for long, such is an old leg injury. The man raises his arm. He holds a piece of paper in it. “It was borne aloft, like some Olympic flame, by an usher and the coroner read as though it was a Holy Writ”

Let us pray…

“It was the would-be juror’s disabled parking document”

The man is excused. Amen


The picture is of Princess Diana in the back seat of the car she took on that fateful night

Pages 2 and 3: “CAR STILL SMOKING” – New pictures have been released. The Sun looks and sees: “Driver Henri Paul states manically down the lens of a paparazzi cameraman”

Pages 4 and 5: “Fight to free her. RESCUERS AT MERC WRECK” – Graphic photos of workers in fluorescent jackets trying to save the Princess

DAILY STAR pages 80 and 9: “Queen may be quizzed”

“FAYED OUTRAGE AS JUDGE RUBBISHES DIANA ‘BABY MYTH’” – That picture of Diana in that swimsuit was taken before she began dating Dodi Fayed, says the coroner.

Fat girls can still pull. Hurrah!

DAILY MAIL front page: “DIANA IN THE DEATH CAR” – A picture of Diana in the back of Mercedes”

Pages 2 and 3: “All the pictures from the crash. Ghouls and conspiracy theorists come closer…

Pages 4 and 5: “Diana: Queen is going to abdicate”

The Mail’s Paul Harris says: “In a moment that will doubtless be recalled for generations to come, they started the inquest into the death of Princess Diana.” And not just mentioned by future generation of the Harris family, neither

The courtroom has “beige walls and Ikea-style furniture”. When will the heartache end?

“I am a Diana fan,” says the man first in the queue for the public gallery. “At Last!” he exclaims as the turnstile opens. He brandishes ticket No. 0000001

More Diana fans join Harris in the gallery. “Several of them chatted about ‘Diana’ as if they she had been a lifelong friend.” That’s Express hacks for you

DAILY MIRROR front page: “DIANA INQUEST SENSATION – The Last picture. She is driven off in her Mercedes..five minutes before the fatal crash”
Pages 4 and 5: “Questions jury must answer.” There are eight in all. There are 20 in the Sun

THE INDEPENDENT PAGE 8: “Diana jury told to consider ‘other conspiracy theories’”

DAILY TELEGRAPH front page: “Diana: the final moments. Inquest to put conspiracy theories to the test”
Pages 2 and 3: “Coroner dispels many of the myths surrounding death of Diana”
Picture of Diana in a swimsuit

THE GUARDIAN front page: “Inquests opens into the death of Diana”
Page 9: “30 lawyers, 11 jurors ad one angry billionaire – Diana inquest begins”
Says the coroner: “We all need to keep our eye on the ball.. I hope everyone will remember that no one is on trail in this court”

Why not?

THE TIMES front page: “Judge releases unseen photos of Diana crash”
Pages 2 and 3: “’Diana decision is yours and yours alone’” – the 11 must decide

The inquest is expected to last six months and cost £10million

The post-inquest inquest is expected to go on for much longer and cost 40p every day in the Daily Express

Posted: 3rd, October 2007 | In: Royal Family Comments (8) | TrackBack | Permalink