Anorak News | Karen Matthews to Have Her Features Rearranged

Karen Matthews to Have Her Features Rearranged

by | 14th, April 2008

maxine-carr-karen-matthews.jpgAS the police turn a Dewsbury Estate into a gated community, the Star looks at Kate Matthews and her £100,000 makeover.

We are no longer looking at Shannon Matthews, nor are we looking for her; but we are looking at Karen Matthews, “Public Enemy No.1”.

The Star says Shannon Matthews is to “get plastic surgery just like Maxine”. That’s Maxine Carr, the former most hated woman in the UK who was jailed for lying to cover up her lover Ian Huntley’s murder of Jessica Chapman and Holly Wells.

If comparing Karen Matthews of Maxine Carr is not enough, the Star burnishes her status by hearing from John Bretton, father to Karen’s first child. Says he: “She must have spent a fortune on cigarettes over the years. It’s the one thing she does love.”

Who knows, Matthews may even take up the offer of ten Lambert & Butler fags her fellow lags are being offered for “her head”.

But what head do the vigilantes go for? Do they aim for the head we see bowed and beaten in the news or the head with the new nose, chin reconstruction and “lots of other work”.

This new look will protect her identity, we hear.

Having her face sliced open and her features rearranged will save Karen Matthews from, er, having her face sliced open and her featuring rearranged…

Jeez, that’s some handout. But wait, there’s more. An Anorak source reveals that in addition to a new face and body, a new home, and round-the-clock protection, Karen could also receive the following:

* Thirty gallons of Krystal champagne each day, to bathe in and then drink

* Free cigarettes

* A special hairdryer made of solid gold

* Customized box at Old Trafford – with dark glass windows so that United fan Craig can join her

* 50,000 Lotto scratch cards

* Lifetime supply of Lindt chocolate

* A billion pounds from the public coffers, which will not affect her right to benefits

Anorak suggests that you print out this list and place it on your fridge door to remind you how your taxes could be spent.

Posted: 14th, April 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Reviews, Tabloids Comments (10) | TrackBack | Permalink