Anorak News | Mother Nature Declares War On Depraved Cows

Mother Nature Declares War On Depraved Cows

by | 25th, October 2008

DEATH to the cows. Especially the ones you can’t see. The Swiss are making preparations for cow-free world, as must be.

In Valdez Chico, near Montevideo, Uruguay, 52 cows lay dead, felled by a lightning bolt sent from Mother Nature.


The Telegraph says the odds of being killed by lightning are slimmer than winning the top prize on Deal Or No Deal but more generous than you being selected by Prince Wozamatabili of Nigeria as a safe haven for $456bn in used bank notes.

Multiply by 52. This is God’s will.

The odds of being struck by lightning are approximately 1 in 576,000 and the chance of actually being killed by lightning is about 1 in 2,320,000.

But some cows will take risks:

“…experts say working or playing in open fields; boating, fishing, and swimming; working on heavy farm or road equipment; playing golf; taking a shower; talking on a conventional telephone; and repairing or using electrical appliances are all activities that should be avoided during storms.”

But cows will be cows.

And the Jakarta Post repots of a cow making its way out to sea in a beautiful pea green boat.

The cow, which is five months pregnant, was thrown out to the sea about 3 kilometers from land Monday. The villagers believe the animal was impregnated by a village elder.

Not an elder cow, but an elder human. Not content with their war on Mother Nature, cows are now seducing our men folk.

During the ritual the man, who was caught red-handed having sexual intercourse with the cow two months ago, joined the boat trip in order to throw away his clothes to symbolize him discarding his sins.

The inference is that this is a regular happening, and the elder does necessarily have to spend quality time with the herd. But if you are going to do the time , then what the ****.

But not everyone is impressed:

Luh Ketut Suryani, a professor and activist, deplored the sanction against PS.

She said drowning a cow was baseless because sexual intercourse between a human being and an animal could not cause pregnancy due to the different chromosomes and genes of the two.

Has she seen Jeremy Kyle?

“The cow is not guilty, why should it be drowned? Why don’t just use a symbol like what was done by the perpetrator?”

Because cows are trying to kill us all and no quarter should be given – unless it is wrapped in a sesame seed bun and covered in cheese, gherkin and a ritualistic special sauce…

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Posted: 25th, October 2008 | In: Strange But True Comments (4) | TrackBack | Permalink