Anorak News | Jade Goody’s Jack Tweed Is On Suicide Watch

Jade Goody’s Jack Tweed Is On Suicide Watch

by | 16th, April 2009

BERFORE we get to the news that “Fragile” Jack Tweed, Mr Jade Goody, is on “suicide lag wing”, we introduce Sun scribes JAMES CLENCH and ANDY CRICK to nominative determinalism.

Clench and Crick tell us:

FRAGILE Jack Tweed has been locked in a tough jail’s secure hospital wing to protect him from hard-case lags, we can reveal. Bosses at Chelmsford Prison have put the terrified 21-year-old in a single cell alongside inmates on suicide watch amid fears he will be targeted.

The papers love suicide. Bridgend was dubbed “suicide town“. There was a”cult of suicide“. There were “Suicidal Thoughts With The Daily Sport”. Read: Bridgend Watch: A Look At The Cult Of Suicides In The Media.

Here’s a list of jobbing celebs the media has placed on Suicide Watch:

Shannon Matthews’ kidnapper
JK Rowling
Heather Locklear
Pete Wentz
Jordan twice!
Britney Spears thrice!!
Big Brother star
Jo O’Meara
Jade Goody
Paris Hilton
Amy Winehouse
Paul Gascoigne

A source said: “He’s been through some terrible weeks and the bosses don’t want to take any risks with him.”


He was moved almost immediately on to the Category B Essex jail’s healthcare wing. It is recognised as the prison’s “safest” area and houses vulnerable inmates thought likely to self-harm.

Is this what it’s come to – watching Jack Tweed for the moment he can take no more and opts to join Our Jade prematurely?

A source tells us:

“All of the furniture in Jack’s cell will be moulded to the floor or the walls, so that none of it can be thrown around, broken and used as a makeshift weapon. There’s nothing in the cell to which you could attach a ligature.”

While other inmates play indoor golf, darts and slide down the climbing walls on piano wires, Jack sits and waits.

And outside jail, tabloid hacks do the same…

Posted: 16th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (13) | TrackBack | Permalink