Anorak News | Arnold Schwarzenegger Secret Love Child Exposed: The Sperminator Explains

Arnold Schwarzenegger Secret Love Child Exposed: The Sperminator Explains

by | 17th, May 2011

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger, now known as The Sperminator, has not only been shagging the help – he’s fathered a child by one worker (she’s called Mildred Patricia Baena – photos of her and a child) at his family home. The L.A. Times reports that the baby was born over ten years ago – before Arnie became a politico.

The mother had the baby and continued to work for the Family Arnie for ten years. She only retired from servicing Arnie in January. Mrs Arnie, Maria Shriver, thought the baby was fathered by the woman’s husban.

Says Schwarzenegger from his home office (the one with the delux swing bed and executive stress relief toys):

“After leaving the governor’s office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago. I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.”

Says wife Maria, who might be shocked to learn that Arnie can string so many words together:

“This is a painful and heartbreaking time. As a mother, my concern is for the children. I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal. I will have no further comment.”

You want privacy? Arnie’s had over a decade of it. She has no chance. And using the argument that the sins of the parents can hide behind the children is fine for super-injunction-rife UK, but not for LA, where the risk of siblings mating cannot be over-emphasised. (See The Colbys and Gilligan’s Island.)

Of course, this is LA, where what passes for real life is in actual fact a script plotted by The Fates, a team of writers who seek to entertain God with their plays and funnies.

We have yet to discover the identity of the child, but if that kid who looks a bit like a more cuboid Mel Gibson’s isn’t his after all…

Posted: 17th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (6) | TrackBack | Permalink