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Anorak News | Shamima Begum to get Duke of Edinburgh gold award

Shamima Begum to get Duke of Edinburgh gold award

by | 9th, March 2019

begum shamima

Aid workers and refugees were in mourning today at the news that a child has died in a refugee camp. “We’re inconsolable,” says Farida Agha, a Yazidi woman living in a nearby camp. “I just hope the refugee community can finally come together over this terrible tragedy. Like me, Shamima Begum experienced the horror of war. Sure, I was raped, sold into slavery, my brother beheaded and father buried alive in a pit, and Shamima’s role was to make tea, babies and cheers for the killers, but we both of us now live in tents. There’s a common bond.”

“Up til now no-one had ever died in a refugee camp,” says Kurdish widower Ibrahim Kalhor. “We Kurds used to live in houses and flats, too far away from nature. We ate processed food and took drugs and pills for our ailments. But thanks to the likes of Shamima and her friends’ tireless efforts, our diet is now one exclusively of flour and water. Our cancers, mental illness and my son’s diphtheria can be treated with fresh air and the warming sun.”

“They should give Shamima an MBE,” says one source known locally as ‘Jihadi Jane’. “Or at least a job running the Duke of Edinburgh Award scheme. (May death be upon him!) Doing the Jihad Scheme is one of the best experiences I’ve had in my life. It’s been an amazing adventure. Shamima inspired me to explore new territories. I’ve gathered friendships and the experiences and memories that will last a lifetime. Not your’s obviously, because you’ll be dead as soon as I’ve finished polishing my knife.”



Posted: 9th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, News Comment | TrackBack | Permalink